Happy September Lovelies! So I have a funny story to tell that came to remembrance a few months ago. When I was a little girl, 5th grade, I must have had my first real experience with God. I had a little pink Bible that had a little snap closure, and I carried it EVERYWHERE!! Even school! I’m sure my classmates remember that Bible as well as my favorite phrase “I’m gonna tell my daddy!” This was my go to phrase when someone hurt me, offended me, or when things didn’t go my way. At that point, my brother had been born recently and I had been the only child, grandchild, and niece for 10 years. I was kinda used to getting my way! I had not met my earthly father, so I was referring to God as my daddy. He could handle my situations, issues, and giants. I loved my daddy, and daddy loved me!

Obviously, I am the product of a single parent home. Let me give you some numbers. There are 13.6 million single parents in the US. Of those, 84% are mothers and 16% are fathers. Parents are the first people to model a healthy sense of love. They shape how we see it in the world. The father’s role is to lead, protect, and provide. The mother’s role is to teach and nurture. So we have millions of people with a tainted view of love and security due to “parent wounds.” Parent wounds are real and can also happen in a two parent home. It’s pretty obvious how this can happen in a single parent home, these are a few examples of how it can happen in a two parent home. You could have a parent that is there, but not there and be inflicted with parent wounds. You can see a dysfunctional display of love from a two parent home because one or both parents haven’t healed from their wounds resulting in parent wounds. You can have a parent that is not supportive, mean, or partial to other siblings and end up with parent wounds. No matter which bucket we fall in, those wounds have to be healed before we can ever experience love in a healthy way, be it giving or receiving. I didn’t think I had any, I mean who could be better than the daddy that I already knew, right?

Shortly after my elementary school evangelist stage, the option was presented to me to meet my earthly dad and I said yes. Maybe I wanted to experience being a daddy’s girl in a tangible way. I met him on my 11th birthday. I had an image of a daddy in God, but this was different.

This decision fed a rejection that was already rooted in the womb. Yes, rejection is a spirit that can enter through words and feelings. Your girl was not exactly a planned pregnancy. The circumstances were not the happiest or ideal, so yes the rejection was already there. This decision also brought disappointment and anger. I took on a feeling of constant disappointment to the point that it was normal. That along with other heart injuries caused me to grow numb. I was nonchalant and pretty much braced myself for rejection and disappointment. I often wondered, why didn’t I just say no? I always said I don’t need that relationship, but to be honest I did. I don’t regret that “yes”. I gained relationship with my siblings and now the sweetest thing for me to hear is “Aunt Tressa”! I set my dad up for failure before even knowing him. I had silent and very unrealistic expectations for him. I’m sure you all can relate to having this image of someone that remains in your brain, and when that person doesn’t measure up, they are to blame. Now, he did not fulfill his role as a father in my life, but he couldn’t give me anything out of his own voids, no one can. It took a looooong time, but I forgive him. As I stated in my first post, I was going to counseling to heal and possibly revive that relationship, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. There were many things that could have been done differently, however, every feeling and event shaped me and forced me back to my first love.

I promised myself that I would read more, and I am proud to say I am still holding true to my word! While I was out of work, one of the books I read was Abba by Dr. Matthew Stevenson. That was when I was reminded about the relationship I had with God as a child. I also realized that at first I measured my earthly father to God and when things went south, I measured God to my earthly father. I literally cried because I realized I had left my position as a daughter of Christ. I was not resting in my position as His beloved, as the apple of His eye. I lost my view of Him. I was praying and worshiping but there was still a disconnect. Words would be spoken over my life by trusted individuals and I’m like “oh ok.” When I tell you I had built walls! Nothing could get in, and nothing could come out. I didn’t even grant God free access to those places. There was still the thought that He was going to disappoint me too. It’s like going to the hospital because you’ve been injured, but you won’t let the doctor touch the area. How was I ever gonna get healing like that?

God brought this to my memory to let me know that I needed to get back to my position as daddy’s little girl. I needed to trust Him like I did before. I needed to understand that I won’t always get my way, but He was always there to protect me. I needed to allow Him to love me and comfort me. My heart was hard, but my daddy promised to give me a new heart and spirit. He promised to turn my heart of stone into one of flesh so I can feel the good and the not so great. In my rightful place, there is healing, joy, peace, protection, identity, and love. Everything I needed. Everything I thought I lacked. It is a daily decision to rest in that place. To have expectation because the earth belongs to my daddy, and it’s his good pleasure to bless me. To actually feel like I’m living my best life. To walk by faith and not by sight. To believe that I WON’T BE DISAPPOINTED!

Because I decide to rest in my position as a daughter, I have more to give and I can effectively receive. I will always be a daddy’s girl and so will you! He promises us that when our mother and father forsake us He will adopt us! Ask God to remind you when you left! Usually after a hurt or trauma we just walk away from our promises looking for something or someone to ease the pain. Find your way back to your position as a daughter of Christ. He never leaves His post as a father, we are the ones that wander!