Hello ladies and welcome to the September blog! I am so excited to share this new journey I am on with you all. Over the past few months, I have been exploring a lifestyle change for weight loss. At the time of composing this blog, I have lost almost 30 pounds in 3.5 months! Just like the title, it has been a struggle, but I must say I am proud of myself for committing to reverse my toxic view of my body and living a healthier life. I can’t say this will fix all of the issues, but I will say that I am progressing towards a place of being more comfortable with my body and becoming the best version of myself. I can actually feel some positive growth already.

I have been pleasantly plump literally all my life. I looked at videos from when I was around two years old in disbelief because I looked like a little basketball! I kinda want to blame it on my grandma and mama for feeding me grits and potatoes as soon as I could open my mouth it seems, but it’s not all their fault! I also happen to be very domesticated and gifted in the cooking and baking arenas from a very young age. People know me for my confidence in the kitchen, so I have always been able to try all kinds of amazing things.

I don’t think I have ever really shared this, but at my largest, I was around the 350-ish mark. Thank God for proportion, and good plus sized clothing! I could dress it up, but seeing those numbers caused me to feel horrible. Over the years I have lost weight and maintained, I even got to the clothing size I wanted to be, but those numbers still discouraged me. I was always heavier than my friends, and I would never want to shop with people. They would ask me what size I needed and I would wait until they walked away to find my size. The view of my body image became toxic because I constantly compared myself to others. I can’t even say that I was picked on when I was younger, it was just my negative views of myself that caused me to feel unwanted, ugly, and inadequate. I felt that if I were smaller things would somehow be better.

I am sure I’m not the only one who can relate. There are many that have figures that most would love to have and they still feel that they need to lose 15 more pounds in order to be happy with themselves. There are also some that are ridiculed because they are seen as too thin. But whose standards are we following? Are we following society’s standards? Maybe social media makes it hard for us to settle into a place of contentment with our bodies as we compare ourselves to the beauty of others? Maybe it is because of a relationship or past relationship, bullies, parents, or siblings. Wherever the situation stems from, it is a hurtful feeling to hate your own body. Trust me, I know. This causes us to forget who we truly are, and deviate from God’s true intent of how we should view ourselves.

God has so much to say about how special we are to Him in His word. In Genesis, He says that He created us in His image, and everything He created was GOOD! Isn’t God known as the most beautiful one? What does that say about us? Psalm 139:13-16(NLT) says “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” This passage shows us how careful and strategic He was in our creation. He knew and loved every part of us before we were created, so much so, He sent His son to die for us and gave us the option to love Him back!

Of course God loves our outer beauty, but He is very much concerned about our inner beauty because that is how others see Him through us. If we have a toxic view of our outer beauty, that can cause us to struggle with many issues that literally cover the light of Jesus inside of us. Things like depression, fear, rejection, and low self-esteem can cause us to withdraw and suppress who we are truly called to be. Matthew 5:14-16 says  “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” This scripture is talking about us! We are the light, but if we allow the negative view of ourselves to plague us, it is like putting our light under a bowl. This brings us to a place of darkness, a place where the enemy dwells and continues to tell us lies that are contrary to how God feels about us.

So, how can we combat these feelings? First, we can seek and remember what our creator says about us in His word. There is a psychological term called thought stopping. It is basically when a negative thought comes, you immediately stop it by replacing it with a positive thought. We can replace it with scripture or positive affirmations about ourselves. We can also take action. My weight issue was something I could actually change. I just had to get to a point where I wanted to change it and stay committed to it. We can take small steps towards short term goals until we reach the place we want to be. Get accountability. I am very thankful for my accountability partners in my weight loss journey as well as someone to keep me accountable when a negative thought about myself happens to spew out of my mouth. These people are the ones that can help you get back on track, rebuke you in love, and encourage you on the journey.

I pray that my story has encouraged someone, no matter where your issue lies. Father, I ask that you would release the shame we feel concerning our body images and help us to see ourselves the way you see us. I pray that we continue to hold on to your word concerning us, that we see that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that we embrace the fact that God was strategic in the creation of each of us and everything He makes is Good. I am thankful that from this point, we will not suppress our light, but we will come out of the dark places as you bring us to a place of healing so that we can take back our rightful place as the city on the hill. Thank you for allowing our thoughts to align with yours. Thank you for our complexities and unique gifts and talents. Thank you for allowing us to encounter people that will be our safe places to share those thoughts and feelings and encourage us as we move to a healthier place in our minds. I pray that our light shines with the confidence that God gives us to be BEAUTIFUL vessels showing His glory both inside and out. Amen! Love you to pieces!!