Well hello ladies!! We are rapidly approaching the end of the year and it is officially Hallmark season!! Y’ all, that has to be the best channel ever created! So you know what I have been doing lately, however, I did make some time to talk to you all! This month we are talking about community and friendships. I have come to realize the importance of meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships. I was reminded of an old TLC song “What about your friends.” They were putting us on to questioning our partnerships. Although I have access to many amazing women in different circles, I personally admit that I do not always lean on my friends or make myself available for new relationships. Evaluating relationships is such a needed topic as we can always strengthen both romantic and platonic connections. Let’s talk about it.

So, I have this one friend that I did not intend to have. I have her permission to tell you all how she wiggled her way in. I started a new job and making friends was not exactly on the agenda. I had been laid off for seven months and I was just happy to be employed! Of course I was new and knew no one there, so I ate lunch alone. I would go into this quiet area where there was usually no one around to read. She would always come from downstairs that way and instead of leaving me alone to mind my business, she would literally plop down beside me and just start talking. I was wondering what was up with this little girl. She was just too nice and kind for me to ignore. Eventually we had a real conversation and decided to have dinner one night. She said she told her friends “I don’t know what it is, but she has something I need and I am going to get it.” And here I am just wanting to go to work. We never know who is watching and who needs what we have. I do often have to remind her that I am NOT a super saint and to take that title off of me, but rather we are growing together.

Now, let me give a disclaimer. The older I have gotten, the harder it is for me to allow others in my life, however, I cannot deny we need people. There is this song by Erica Campbell and Jonathan McReynolds called “All I need is you” that I love! Although I low-key have a holy crush on Mr. McReynolds, y ‘all that statement is not completely true. God designed us for relationships. Jesus had friends! Relationships were designed to strengthen us, you know iron sharpens iron. Yes, people make you want to sharpen the iron and just poke them a little, but healthy friendships help us grow. Notice I said HEALTHY. All relationships are not healthy, my loves. Similarly, neither are all communities. Let me give you the definition of community. Community is a group of people having a particular characteristic in common; a feeling of fellowship with others as a result of sharing common attitudes, interest, and goals. Think about your circle, how do they embody the definition of healthy community?

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10(NLT) says “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” This sounds like what a friendship should look like. A friend is someone who recognizes our flaws and issues and loves us in spite of them. We all have some level of dysfunction. When we encounter people, we also encounter their issues, trauma, and baggage. In friendship, we should be able to confess our “stuff” to each other. Doing this allows us to be held accountable–giving us an opportunity to show our scars in hopes that our friends will help to cover, not expose our wounds, until we heal. There has to be a standard of transparency and trust. Friendship should be a safe place.

I have grown to ask myself “Will this relationship add value to my life or to the life of the other person?” Although my friend stated that she needed something from me, I have also learned many things from her. Our relationship is mutually beneficial. She also enjoys watching Hallmark with me! 😊 One key thing that came to me while writing was how people connect. We must pay attention to what connects us in relationships. Sometimes we can be connected by unhealthy bonds. Pain is a connection. Rejection is a connection. Trauma is a connection. Nothing brings people together like those three, however, is the connection to emerge out of it or to stay there? We all grow in different phases. If that relationship was established on pain, rejection, and trauma, when healing comes to someone, that bond will eventually break due to strain. Let’s make sure that we are lifting each other up, so if we connected in unhealthy circumstances, we can both get to a place of healing.

We must make an effort to spend time with our friends. I am a firm believer that we all make time for what we want. Never establish a friendship without spending adequate time with that person, even outside of what connects you. That means if your connection is church, work, or another organization, go beyond those settings. Sometimes we can take on the persona of that setting and you may end up with someone completely different. By doing this, you will find out who they truly are at their core. Don’t walk around in disbelief when your best friend is not who you think they are because you only connect in that one setting. Know what you are signing up for ladies!

Love on your friends ladies! Sometime between me starting and finishing this post, I actually lost a friend. A GOOD friend. She passed away suddenly in October and I could not believe it. Over the past few years, we communicated but only saw each other a few times. I wish I would have made more time, I wish I could have known exactly what was happening so that I could have been there in some way. So, I had to deal with some regret on top of the grief of her departing. I have so many wonderful memories, and we spent so much time together during a season of our lives. So, I have learned a lesson. When you have good, solid connections, keep the lines of communication flowing. Sometimes I think people are busy living their lives, but it only takes a minute to say hi or I have been thinking of you. Make the time now so you don’t have to wish that you could later.

Hopefully this was helpful to someone as we navigate through life. I pray that God allows us access to healthy, mutually beneficial partnerships. I pray that we become the friends we are seeking. I pray that we use discernment to know who sent them and why. I pray that we don’t hold on to friendships longer than needed. That we allow them to serve their purposes and if we need to release, that we do so graciously. I pray that the relationships built to last are cherished and protected. That scars can be revealed, nurtured, and healed in your safe places. I pray that the things you feel that you cannot share, that you allow our BEST friend to come in and provide healing that only He can provide. Amen. Amen. and Amen again my loves!! Have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! I am grateful for you all!

Happy October sweetfaces!! I am sooo excited to share with you all this month! Last month’s post was a little heavy, so I hope to lighten things up a little this time. I want to share some interesting revelations that I have experienced within the last few weeks. I pray that the revelation is not only beneficial to me, but also to you all. That you will be able to gain personal revelation in your own lives.

Over the past few weeks, there was a scripture that I couldn’t shake. It was Proverbs 13:12 and it says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.“(NLT) I decided to write it out and journal what that scripture means to me and how it applies to my life. You know I love to understand words correctly, so I looked up the definition of deferred. Deferred means to “postpone, or put off an action or event until a later date.” Y ‘all, we live in a society that does not like to wait for anything! I am definitely not an exception. I started to think about the effects of hope being deferred and how it can make our hearts sick–leaving us hopeless.

If we put our hope in something and it does not happen, that causes us to become discouraged, discontent, and doubtful. This can lead to anxiety, fear, depression, and other health issues. This scripture reminded me that I was putting my trust in the things I had hope for and not in the one who can grant those things to me. He reminded me that I always think about what “historically” happens. That is a word I use often. If I am stuck in that place, how can I honor and prepare for the place where my dream is fulfilled? Doing this keeps me from truly trusting God and actually having expectation in some areas of my life. It can make my heart sick. I want to share with you a story about a woman who continued to trust in the Lord for her petitions even though her hope was deferred. Bible study time ladies!

This woman’s name is Hannah. Hannah’s story is found in 1 Samuel chapter 1. Hannah was married to a man named Elkanah. Well we all know in the Bible days, men usually had more than one wife. Elkanah had another wife named Penninah. Penninah was a messy baby mama who taunted Hannah because she could have babies, while Hannah could not. Motherhood in those days was taken very seriously. It was a reflection of their worth if they did not have children. I can understand that she got tired of Penninah tormenting her about something she was so hopeful for.

One night Hannah was fed up with Penninah’s torment and she went to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. She was praying so passionately that while her lips were moving, she was silent. The prophet Eli even thought she was drunk. She told him that she was pleading with God and Eli answered “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.” She went back with her husband and was no longer sad. I feel like she felt relief after that prayer. Her hope was renewed as she was in position for that divine appointment. She went back home with her husband and they had an ummm “encounter” and the Lord remembered her and she became pregnant. She promised that she would give him back to God for His service. She honored her word and named him Samuel, which means “God hears.”

I imagine Hannah’s prayer was full of reverence and humility. She still had hope, but she got to a place of desperation. How do we wait? Go ahead and admit, sometimes with an attitude. I know I’m guilty. She had the child that she wanted so badly and still gave him to God as a sacrifice for service. In turn, He blessed her with five more children. How many times have we made promises in prayer only to turn around and tell God “Ok, thanks!” and not honor our word? God blessed her because her heart was pure, she never lost hope, and he could trust her to hold true to her promises. Her prayer and sacrifice lined up with His will for Samuel’s life. He was groomed to become a great prophet.

The end of the scripture I mentioned earlier says that “A dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” That means it brings satisfaction and joy. Trees are supposed to produce, so when a dream is fulfilled it makes us fruitful. But we must continue to have hope. Even when things don’t appear to be working, if it is something we know God has promised us, we must have hope. Once Hannah got confirmation from Eli that she would have her baby, scripture said she was no longer sad. Delay does not mean denial. We must trust that God is strategic in His plans for our life. Isaiah 55:8-9 states “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” He knows the end from the beginning, so our end of the deal is to just remain hopeful which in essence, means to have faith. Without faith it is impossible to please God.

So, I know we all are believing and hoping for God to come through in some area of our lives or the lives of our families and friends. It could be healing, a loved one coming back to Christ or going deeper in relationship with God, restoration of relationships, or believing for a child or a spouse. We all have something placed before God. I pray that we will continue to place our hope in God and not in the things we have need of. I pray that we will continue to be confident that our hope will not disappoint. I pray that we will have the strength and wisdom to go back to God in sincere, humble prayer. He is the God who sees and He is the God of unfailing love. May we understand that those who sow in tears shall reap with joy! “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” (Romans 5:3-5) Be blessed beloved!

One last thing! Please like the @mybrokentobeautiful page on Facebook for encouragement and laughter throughout the week!

Good day my lovelies!! Summer is almost over, the kids are back in school, and it almost my FAVORITE time of the year, Fall! Prayerfully you all are doing well! I am sure you all have heard the song Good Father, if you have not, check it out on YouTube (My favorite version is by Trey McLaughlin). I think the song is soooo wonderful. It tells us about how our Father is good to us, it says He is perfect in all of His ways, and it tells us how much we are loved by God. There is an old colloquialism used that says “God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!” We have all said it or heard it said! But what happens when we are disappointed by the Father who is said to be perfect in all of His ways and good all the time?

Before you get super religious on me, please get real and admit that you are sometimes disappointed by things that happen in life. There are things that disappoint us that we have caused ourselves and then there are those moments that we ask “Why God?” Some people say that we should not question God. This is not true. God has called us His friends, He can handle our questions, conniption fits, and tantrums. Our questions do not intimidate God. Does He have to answer? No. God is sovereign. Will we always know the answer right then? Not always. Some things we will understand by and by. However, I will say that we do have the liberty to ask questions and seek answers through prayer, fasting, and His word.

I have had many moments where I have been disappointed. I’m sure we all can relate to that statement. The one I want to share is the loss of my brother Joshua. Josh passed away March 31, 2016. I was in disbelief as it was totally unexpected. The images of my last day with him replayed in my head like a movie for almost a whole year every night. He was a good kid. He was a junior in college, was quite popular, and I was so proud of the man he was becoming. After he passed, my great-aunt and I were in the room, and once my denial was over all I could do was cry, lay on his chest and sing a song. The song said “In moments like these, I sing out a song, I sing out a love song to Jesus. Singing I Love you Lord.” No idea where that came from. How could I sing this song at a time like this? My mind was saying one thing, but God was doing something in my heart.

Two weeks before my brother passed, I was at a Women’s ministry event. There was one man there and I understood his daughter was the speaker, but I was still wondering why he was there. She was almost done speaking when I looked behind her and saw that he was slumping over. I got the attention of the other ladies, called 911, and took the kids outside. He was no longer breathing. We all prayed and by the time the ambulance came, he was able to get on the stretcher on his own. This man was 70+ with children and grandchildren and prayer saved his life. Had he been home alone, he probably would have passed. Imagine how I felt after seeing this miracle. If He did it before He can do it again, right? Even then, I wasn’t one to only pray when crisis came, so I should have had some power. I wondered why my prayers worked for this stranger but why not for my brother? Did I not have enough faith? He was only twenty and had so much left to do according to me, my family, and his friends.

The day after the funeral, a friend called me. She had recently lost a very close loved one. She asked me if I was angry and if I found it hard to pray. My response was that I wasn’t angry, but I was disappointed. I hadn’t had the time to pray alone because no one would allow me to be alone during that time, but I told her as soon as I had the opportunity I would. I do remember saying Jesus a lot during that week. That in itself is a prayer. I was letting Him know that I needed him. We have disappointments but we cannot allow them to overshadow who He is. When I sang that song in that moment, that had to be God being a good Father. He was comforting me in a moment when no one else could comfort me. He was being the Father that never leaves or forsakes.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.” This pretty much explains it all. There is a time for everything. We have to be able to relinquish control. There are some things that have to be given up no matter how tightly we hold on.

The word tells us in Psalms 34:19 “Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivers him out of them all.” This lets us know that we will experience disappointment and pain, but we have a promise. God wastes nothing! It’s up to us to learn the lessons and grow. I felt my prayers didn’t work in that situation, however they just didn’t line up with the will of God for Josh. My brother departed, but I grew in that process. It gave me a new perspective, it gave me the initiative to make major decisions concerning my life, and it gave me a strength I didn’t know I had. I chose to run to God instead of away from him. Challenges grow our faith and build our muscle. We don’t feel it while we’re in it, but we realize it when the storm has passed.

I am sure that you have had a chance to think of the events of disappointment in your lives. It could be a failed friendship or relationship, being overlooked for a job, loss of a job, infertility, or the loss of a loved one. Disappointment is disappointment. It hurts. But we do have a good Father. The situations we thought were failed could have been God protecting us or Him setting us up for something greater. He is always thinking about us and His plans are always to prosper us. He does love us, and if you are anything like me, you will do almost anything to protect someone you love. He literally sent His son to DIE for us because He loves us!

So in moments of disappointment, we can go to our Father. He has all of the answers; He is the ultimate healer, comforter, provider, and sustainer. I pray that we develop the proper perspective of a good Father. I pray that we understand the love He has for us and continue to pursue Him. I pray that we will seek God for encouragement and direction in our disappointment. I pray that we can effectively release the past disappointments to Him and pursue healing. My prayer is that we come out of agreement with disappointment that has caused us to settle in our grief. God help us to remember that the joy of the Lord is our strength. I am thankful for the growth that we will experience as we come to those places of healing and walk in faith. We thank God that He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. I sooo hope that this was helpful to someone! Love you all so much!

One more thing! Please follow me @mybrokentobeautiful on Facebook for inspiration and love throughout the week! Kisses!!

Good day my loves! This month’s topic was a challenge for me. However, I do believe that in my brainstorming and preparation that God ministered to me as well. This month we are talking about comparison. This was a topic on my original list of blog topics that only took me a year to address, as I thought I wasn’t ready to tackle this beast. As I have said before, this is for all of us! I have not arrived, nor do I proclaim to have done so. I am simply being obedient and allowing God to work in me and through me. Now, let’s talk!

We are all familiar with comparison. We have all compared ourselves to someone else, whether to make ourselves look better or worse, or had others compare themselves to us. We have also compared ourselves to the life or image that we envisioned. We compare our shapes and sizes, homes, cars, mates, children, gifts and talents, and the list goes on! It strikes at our workplace, church, school, and even the grocery stores. Be honest, sis.

I thought back to my first encounter with comparison. It was third grade! I had a friend whose mom would come and eat lunch with her all the time and she always had the fresh Lisa Frank stuff. Y’all remember Lisa Frank!!?? It was really popular amongst school supplies during that time. My mom bought me a few Lisa Frank items, but I wanted ALL the things! Mama couldn’t come eat lunch with me because she had to work so she could feed me when I got home! Of course, I didn’t see that then, I wanted to be just like my friend. In my little third grade mind, I compared my life to hers. That was my third grade experience, but as we grow older, those insecurities become less innocent.

In this world of social media, things have not changed. In fact, I believe they have become worse. Social media is an effective tool, but it is also a breeding space for comparison and validation by “likes”. You see people in seemingly happy marriages, cute babies, new cars and houses, and you can easily wonder, “What am I doing wrong?” Instead of using social media as it was intended, to keep in touch with family and friends far away, we use it as a tool to measure our lives against our “friends.” Well, the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have seen posts and KNEW that they were not true. Just because you put #blessed does not mean it was a blessing from God. We get in our feelings because of these things. We see the marriage, but have no idea what they have to do to keep that marriage afloat. We see the engagement, but neither of them have sought God to see if they are even supposed to be together. We see the baby, but have no idea how they struggled to get that bundle of joy into the world. We see the new house, but they may be paying three times your mortgage just to keep up with their image! One of my favorite lines from Steven Furtick is “We compare our behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.” You know they always show you the best movie highlights to draw you to the movie. Sometimes the highlights are actually the only good parts! Such is life for some!

We have to do better and understand that God has a path just for us. My way of coping with this is limiting my social media time. I usually do not check my timeline. If I see something, it’s usually by accident! Please forgive me if I have not liked your pictures! It is just a personal boundary I have set for myself. Of course we should be congratulatory of anyone that has good news to share, however, we cannot allow their good news to challenge the happenings in our own lives. We have no idea how much some have prayed, cried, and suffered for that manifestation. I have a petty confession! I need to stop wondering how Ciara got Russell Wilson! I like her, but every time I see a story about them I literally wonder “How Jesus??!!” She has not been praying for a man of that caliber as long as I have, so how did she get hers first??!! Maybe it’s because she has an agility that I just don’t have, I cannot move on that level! I can see why that would be beneficial! See how easy it is to compare? It’s so common, oftentimes when we do it we don’t even categorize it as comparison. We just be wondering!

I was trying to think of a story of comparison I wanted to use, and God literally gave it to me in conversation with a coworker. It is the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar. This story starts in Genesis 11 and goes through chapter 23. It is a very intriguing story, however I’m going to give you just a taste to wet your palette and paint a picture. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. However, by this time his wife Sarah was older and was barren. I can imagine her saying “How can that be if we don’t have any babies, it’s been 10 years, come through Jesus!” I’m sure she saw all the other ladies having babies and thought it was over for her, so she had the bright idea to “manufacture” her blessing. She told her husband to sleep with her servant, Hagar. Kinda like a surrogate. As Sarah hoped, Hagar soon became pregnant but then Sarah became angry with Hagar. I can imagine it hit different when she realized that this lady is frolicking around with her husband’s kid. Sarah was so mean that Hagar fled, which could have resulted in Abraham missing out on the life of his son. God convinced her to go back, have her baby, and she obediently named him Ishmael.

God told Abraham that in a year that he would have a son with Sarah, when she was 90 and he was 99. Sarah overheard and laughed! God was like “Why you laughing?” She tried to say she didn’t, but he was like “Sis, I heard you.” He asked her “Is there anything too hard for me?” He was calling her out on her lack of faith! Within that year, Isaac was born just as He promised. Do you see how her comparison led her to jealousy and made her think she could help God to bring her to her promise? She had a promise, but didn’t believe God would do it for her. He definitely did it in his own time! Can any of you relate to Sarah and her feelings of comparison? Have you ever tried to manufacture your own blessings and put God’s name on it? #Blessed!!?? Sometimes we are questioning God concerning our comparison issues and He’s like “I didn’t have anything to do with that!”

Comparison takes away our ability to be grateful and makes us lose sight of the greatness we possess and the wonderful things to come. It truly is the thief of our joy. It is a distraction to take us on a path contrary to where God needs us to be. We lose focus on the assignments we were given because we are focusing on what someone else is doing. Comparison is like telling God that He missed the mark, that is according to our standards. It’s telling Him that we are not so fearfully and wonderfully made. Doesn’t He do all things well?

I pray that we learn to embrace the lovely individuals we are. I pray that we would seek God for what He has for us, learn to celebrate others, and realize that He is no respecter of person. If He did it for them, He can do it for us. I pray that we learn to be content in our respective places until he brings us to our promise. I pray that we will allow Him to lead us to the promise and not try to assist Him, but be a participant in the process. I pray that we grow and allow God to mature us into the people that can not only obtain the promise, but because of the process we endured to receive it, we can maintain it as well. Sometimes your gift can take you places that your character can’t keep you! Let’s keep moving at the pace of God. We don’t want anything that God didn’t send. We also don’t want anything prematurely. Stand on the promises of God concerning YOUR life and follow the path of the Father! Be blessed my loves!