Good day my loves! This month’s topic was a challenge for me. However, I do believe that in my brainstorming and preparation that God ministered to me as well. This month we are talking about comparison. This was a topic on my original list of blog topics that only took me a year to address, as I thought I wasn’t ready to tackle this beast. As I have said before, this is for all of us! I have not arrived, nor do I proclaim to have done so. I am simply being obedient and allowing God to work in me and through me. Now, let’s talk!

We are all familiar with comparison. We have all compared ourselves to someone else, whether to make ourselves look better or worse, or had others compare themselves to us. We have also compared ourselves to the life or image that we envisioned. We compare our shapes and sizes, homes, cars, mates, children, gifts and talents, and the list goes on! It strikes at our workplace, church, school, and even the grocery stores. Be honest, sis.

I thought back to my first encounter with comparison. It was third grade! I had a friend whose mom would come and eat lunch with her all the time and she always had the fresh Lisa Frank stuff. Y’all remember Lisa Frank!!?? It was really popular amongst school supplies during that time. My mom bought me a few Lisa Frank items, but I wanted ALL the things! Mama couldn’t come eat lunch with me because she had to work so she could feed me when I got home! Of course, I didn’t see that then, I wanted to be just like my friend. In my little third grade mind, I compared my life to hers. That was my third grade experience, but as we grow older, those insecurities become less innocent.

In this world of social media, things have not changed. In fact, I believe they have become worse. Social media is an effective tool, but it is also a breeding space for comparison and validation by “likes”. You see people in seemingly happy marriages, cute babies, new cars and houses, and you can easily wonder, “What am I doing wrong?” Instead of using social media as it was intended, to keep in touch with family and friends far away, we use it as a tool to measure our lives against our “friends.” Well, the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have seen posts and KNEW that they were not true. Just because you put #blessed does not mean it was a blessing from God. We get in our feelings because of these things. We see the marriage, but have no idea what they have to do to keep that marriage afloat. We see the engagement, but neither of them have sought God to see if they are even supposed to be together. We see the baby, but have no idea how they struggled to get that bundle of joy into the world. We see the new house, but they may be paying three times your mortgage just to keep up with their image! One of my favorite lines from Steven Furtick is “We compare our behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.” You know they always show you the best movie highlights to draw you to the movie. Sometimes the highlights are actually the only good parts! Such is life for some!

We have to do better and understand that God has a path just for us. My way of coping with this is limiting my social media time. I usually do not check my timeline. If I see something, it’s usually by accident! Please forgive me if I have not liked your pictures! It is just a personal boundary I have set for myself. Of course we should be congratulatory of anyone that has good news to share, however, we cannot allow their good news to challenge the happenings in our own lives. We have no idea how much some have prayed, cried, and suffered for that manifestation. I have a petty confession! I need to stop wondering how Ciara got Russell Wilson! I like her, but every time I see a story about them I literally wonder “How Jesus??!!” She has not been praying for a man of that caliber as long as I have, so how did she get hers first??!! Maybe it’s because she has an agility that I just don’t have, I cannot move on that level! I can see why that would be beneficial! See how easy it is to compare? It’s so common, oftentimes when we do it we don’t even categorize it as comparison. We just be wondering!

I was trying to think of a story of comparison I wanted to use, and God literally gave it to me in conversation with a coworker. It is the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar. This story starts in Genesis 11 and goes through chapter 23. It is a very intriguing story, however I’m going to give you just a taste to wet your palette and paint a picture. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. However, by this time his wife Sarah was older and was barren. I can imagine her saying “How can that be if we don’t have any babies, it’s been 10 years, come through Jesus!” I’m sure she saw all the other ladies having babies and thought it was over for her, so she had the bright idea to “manufacture” her blessing. She told her husband to sleep with her servant, Hagar. Kinda like a surrogate. As Sarah hoped, Hagar soon became pregnant but then Sarah became angry with Hagar. I can imagine it hit different when she realized that this lady is frolicking around with her husband’s kid. Sarah was so mean that Hagar fled, which could have resulted in Abraham missing out on the life of his son. God convinced her to go back, have her baby, and she obediently named him Ishmael.

God told Abraham that in a year that he would have a son with Sarah, when she was 90 and he was 99. Sarah overheard and laughed! God was like “Why you laughing?” She tried to say she didn’t, but he was like “Sis, I heard you.” He asked her “Is there anything too hard for me?” He was calling her out on her lack of faith! Within that year, Isaac was born just as He promised. Do you see how her comparison led her to jealousy and made her think she could help God to bring her to her promise? She had a promise, but didn’t believe God would do it for her. He definitely did it in his own time! Can any of you relate to Sarah and her feelings of comparison? Have you ever tried to manufacture your own blessings and put God’s name on it? #Blessed!!?? Sometimes we are questioning God concerning our comparison issues and He’s like “I didn’t have anything to do with that!”

Comparison takes away our ability to be grateful and makes us lose sight of the greatness we possess and the wonderful things to come. It truly is the thief of our joy. It is a distraction to take us on a path contrary to where God needs us to be. We lose focus on the assignments we were given because we are focusing on what someone else is doing. Comparison is like telling God that He missed the mark, that is according to our standards. It’s telling Him that we are not so fearfully and wonderfully made. Doesn’t He do all things well?

I pray that we learn to embrace the lovely individuals we are. I pray that we would seek God for what He has for us, learn to celebrate others, and realize that He is no respecter of person. If He did it for them, He can do it for us. I pray that we learn to be content in our respective places until he brings us to our promise. I pray that we will allow Him to lead us to the promise and not try to assist Him, but be a participant in the process. I pray that we grow and allow God to mature us into the people that can not only obtain the promise, but because of the process we endured to receive it, we can maintain it as well. Sometimes your gift can take you places that your character can’t keep you! Let’s keep moving at the pace of God. We don’t want anything that God didn’t send. We also don’t want anything prematurely. Stand on the promises of God concerning YOUR life and follow the path of the Father! Be blessed my loves!

Hello ladies!! I am soooo excited to say that this post makes one year of Broken To Beautiful!! I am so thankful for you all for listening to me, encouraging me, sharing this blog with your friends and family, and taking time out of your day to support this mission. I questioned whether I should start this assignment so many times. I wondered “Who is going to listen to what I have to say?” Thank you for allowing me to speak into your life and to share my life experiences with you all. This post is a compilation of some of the things I have learned along this journey. I found that the things I have learned this past year are also things that we can apply to life. Let’s do it.

I have learned that I am not easily affected by numbers. I can actually see how many people visit this blog at any given day. Some months have been AMAZING, others have not been so great. I have to celebrate the small victories. If I was caught up in numbers, I would have aborted the mission many times. In life, when we know we are fulfilling our God given assignment, we must never give up, even if no one supports, listens, or watches. Our service is to please God. Sorry to break the news to you, but everyone is not assigned to your gift. This blog is not for everyone; it is also not for everyone in this moment. We cannot stop moving in our assignments because we feel that we are not seen. If that happens, those that we have been called to heal with our gift will die in their struggle.

I have learned that I can be consistent. Y’all, your girl has struggled with that for YEARS! At the beginning of last year, God gave me the word commitment. I had to learn to be committed and consistent with the things of God before I can be consistent with anything else. I have always been one to just quit if things were not working the way I wanted them to. Committing to God with this assignment has helped me in many areas of my life to exercise discipline, stop procrastination, and maintain momentum. You guys keep me accountable. Just when I think that I want to go back to person I was, God sends someone that encourages me and gives me fuel to keep my fire burning.

I have learned that I am braver than I thought. I am a pretty private individual. There have been so many transparent moments that have been shared, so many things brought back to my memory just for this purpose, and times that I have had to stand in my truth even when it hurt me or others. The release of each post is like a personal crucifixion. My natural inclination to withdraw has to die and I have to yield to God, which requires another level of faith. I am not a risk taker and fear has kept me hostage for so long, so this was very difficult for me to do. I have to draw from the strength of God, I cannot do this in my own strength and be successful. I have to be brave so that the people following me can be brave. Your process of growth can lead someone else out of their place of bondage. Do it afraid.

I have learned that I have something to say. Even if I don’t, God has something to say through me. God also uses our actions as well as our silence and maturity. We are God’s hands and feet in the earth. There are people waiting on us to use what God has given us to bring them to a place of deliverance and freedom. Even a simple hello can speak volumes and let others know that they are seen! There are times that people would ask me to pray for them or just tell me the private things in their life and I’m like “How do you even know I have a prayer life or if I can be trusted with all this information?” My life shows that I am credible, even if I don’t say a word. If we continue to keep quiet and sit on our hands, we can’t bring healing to this broken world. We can sometimes be so consumed in our feelings, that we don’t leave space to be able to speak to someone else’s hurt. We have to get over ourselves and complete the mission set before us.

I pray that this has brought about a personal revelation for you. I pray that God will continue to bless this journey and that we would continue to grow together and flourish like trees planted by the river. I pray that we would produce good fruit. I pray that we would allow God to finish the work He has started in us as He leads us to go forth and share our growth with others. We come out of agreement with anything that would hinder us from the freedom we need to fulfill the plans and purposes for our lives. I thank God for you. I have been called to do this whether one person reads or if thousands read it, but I am grateful that you join me here every month. I pray that I would continue to be a good steward of you all and that the territory would be enlarged because of my commitment to this assignment. I pray that God continues to allow me to speak to your hearts and minds. As I come to my places of healing and wholeness, I am honored to share the blueprint God has given me to aid in your freedom. Thank you for joining me on the journey! Love you all!

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Good day my loves!! We are at the halfway point of the year!! How time flies! Prayerfully you all are growing and glowing!! As always, I have a little story for you all. When I was a little girl, I was a pretty good kid. I didn’t give my mom any trouble that a strong look couldn’t handle. I only had one issue…I talked too much. Every. single. time a report card or interim would come out, I would feel fear because it would always say, “Vontressa is a good student, however, could you talk to her about her excessive talking?” One of my favorite teachers was my fourth-grade teacher. She had a nickname for just about all of us; My nickname was Oprah because I talked a lot! Apparently so much that I needed my own talk show. She still calls me that to this day. I have no idea why I had so much to say during those tender years of my life, however, something changed.

Most people that know me now know that I am not really a talker. I will speak to anyone, but I don’t necessarily have to have a conversation. I am perfectly fine in silence. I’m the girl that calls people and kinda hopes they don’t answer just so I can say “Chile, I called you!” Yeah, pray for me. I thought about that a few months ago and I wondered when I “lost” my voice. One day while listening to my JBL speaker, I realized something. I realized that even though the sound from that small speaker is loud, if I allow the speaker to be covered by something, it’s really hard to hear. In the fourth-grade, I had not really experienced life. I had not been frozen by fear, I didn’t know about rejection, I had not experienced hurt, so my speaker was loud and uncovered.

Later in life, I started to experience rejection, which introduced me to fear, which then welcomed me to a feeling of hurt. Each incident placed another blanket over my speaker, making it harder and harder to hear. Then when I tried to force a sound, out came the sound of defense. It was a little louder, but harsh. I became abrasive and developed a mentality of ” I’m gonna get you before you get me.” My words could crush you like an aluminum can under the weight of a bulldozer, and I didn’t have to use one piece of profanity. My rejection was showing, and I allowed the hurt and bitterness of life to overshadow the sound of that innocence of my youth. When I realized this, I went back in my shell. I had to allow God access to season my words with salt. Only He could coax me from my hideout and teach me how to use my words wisely and allow wisdom to lead. I learned that there is a way to get your point across without adding a side of wrath.

This journey of reflection has allowed me to be able to peel back the layers that were determined to muffle my sound. God has placed people and groups in my life that are forcing me to never retreat to that person who hid her voice. The fact that there were so many factors and circumstances trying to keep me silent lets me know that my voice can be mighty, if it’s used. I have discounted myself and allowed others to discount me as well because of those layers. I have refused to open my mouth when I knew that I had something important to give or share.

I used to sing a lot. I would get a couple of dollars to sing Superwoman by Karyn White when I was a kid at family gatherings, was in chorus through my senior year in high school, and my hairbrush was my microphone at home. Much hasn’t changed today because it goes down in a major way in my car, like a Coachella performance! But, at one point, I stopped singing in front of others. Someone once called my singing “noise.” Then I thought my voice wasn’t good enough because I always heard about how anointed everyone else’s voice was, while I felt mine was just convenient. A few years ago, I was praying and I asked God to restore the anointing in my voice, immediately I heard “Where did it go?” God was letting me know that he never took anything from me; Just because others don’t acknowledge or value your anointing doesn’t mean it’s not present. Our goal should be to reach heaven, you will reach those called to your gift in that process. God’s gifts and callings are without repentance, whether we steward it well or not is up to us.

We have to push against the tactics used by the enemy to silence our voices. I still struggle at times. It has taken me some time to grasp that there is a need for my voice in the earth, even if it just reaches one or two people. This blog required a very uncomfortable amount of openness. I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down to start it, and some topics I do not exactly want to expound upon, but I have something to share that can help someone else. I just have to pray that as I expose myself for God, that He would cover me. After almost two years, I joined the praise and worship team at my church this year. I have wanted to quit about 17 times because it’s uncomfortable, but I have to push against my fears. I can choose to be comfortable and stagnant, or uncomfortable and grow. I can tell you that comfort and growth do not coexist. What is it that has covered your voice? I am sure you don’t have to think too hard about that. Who needs your voice? We must peel back the layers so that we can be loud, clear, and relevant. Not sure about you, but I want to be a woman that speaks with wisdom, efficiency, and value. I don’t want to be someone that says a lot, but has nothing of value to say. I have learned that I don’t have to speak much, I just need to make the moments that I do speak to carry weight.

I pray that we will identify the layers that have held us in obscurity longer than we should be. I pray that we will place those fears, doubts, disappointments, and rejection at the feet of God and ask for help to pursue and overtake. I pray that we obtain wisdom and strength to fight for our freedom. I am thankful for the courage and boldness that will be obtained as we fervently seek wholeness. I am thankful for the sound that comes from women that speak with value, love, joy, and wisdom. Women who change the world around them by using the voice that God has anointed to turn the world upside down. I pray that when we find our voices again, we decide that we not be silenced again! Turn up the volume sis!

Hello beloved!! So, a few months ago I was minding my business at work when I heard a question. The question was “How do you really feel about being single?” (If you haven’t read the blog post “The Confession” you may want to go back to that one to get the backstory.) To be asked that question seemed odd. Sometimes God wants our honesty so that we will invite Him in to heal that space, if we want it bad enough. Obviously, my initial answer was something like “I’m over it! Can you help? Where is homeboy?” I actually had to go home and write about it. As I looked back on my writings, I was reminded of a story in the Bible.

This story is about Jacob, Leah, and Rachel. I will give you a brief synopsis, but this story is found in Genesis 29 and 30. Jacob was a bit of a trickster so he fled to his uncle’s house to get away from his brother. Jacob started working for his uncle Laban and for pay he requested Laban’s youngest daughter, Rachel. He was willing to work seven years for her hand in marriage. Now, Leah was the oldest daughter and was described as “having no sparkle in her eye or having weak eyes”, while Rachel was described as “having a beautiful figure and lovely face”. I’m not sure about you, but I would not be too excited if someone were to describe me like they described Leah. In other words, Leah was seen as unattractive.

For seven years, Jacob worked in anticipation of his good thang. On Jacob’s wedding night, Laban swapped Leah for Rachel–tricking Jacob into sleeping with the wrong woman and thus sealing his marriage to Leah. The trickster got tricked! As you can probably imagine, Jacob was not happy, but it was the custom to give the oldest daughter in marriage first. Now, Rachel had to be the Beyonce’ of her day because Jacob worked another seven years for her hand in marriage as well! Yes, he ended up being married to both of them, and it caused a rivalry between the sisters. Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah, and it seemed that he didn’t even try to hide it. Seems like the only time he engaged with Leah was when they where conceiving children. Leah wasn’t attractive, but could have children while Rachel was unable to conceive for a period of time. Each time Leah had a child, she would always say “Surely he will love me this time.” Does this sound like us sometimes?

I’m sure I am not the only one that has felt like a Leah in a world full of Rachels. Surely this wasn’t her first encounter with rejection and comparison. Leah kept producing to make herself noticeable, worthy, and loved by Jacob. Spoiler alert, he never loved her the way he loved Rachel. I once had a guy tell me that I was “too good,” I was like “‘Appreciate the respect, but I can be bad!!” LOL Similarly to Leah, I was willing to compromise my character and the will of God for my life for the chance to be chosen. We may dress a certain way, wear our hair just the way they like it, lose or gain weight, or make ourselves like the things that interest them, just so we can earn their affection. Like Leah, I felt like I needed to keep striving to be a certain way to even be noticed. How could someone that has always had to conform really know what they deserve if they don’t know who they are?

That is where I was. Lacking true identity. The past few years have been both frustrating and fulfilling. Yes, both. Most days I only feel like I have been forsaken when I have to take the trash out before my Hallmark movie comes on, get gas, or if something breaks. Then there are moments of pressure. I am a professional bridesmaid, most of my friends are married or in relationships, my family reminds me at every family dinner that we need more kids in the family(while looking at me), and I cringe when someone ask me if I am married or dating and I have to say no. On the other hand, I can honestly say that I have learned so much about myself during this time. I am appreciative of the time to develop into an asset, learn what I really need/want/deserve, understand what I will not compromise, and grow in who God has called me to be without distraction. It’s hasn’t been easy, but I’m better for it and I realize it must be working to accomplish God’s greater plan.

In the words of Outkast, we can plan a pretty picnic but we can’t predict the weather. Proverbs 19:21 says “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but the Lord’s purpose prevails.” I have tried several times to make things work. I pursued the process of adopting a baby because I had convinced myself I could handle being single if I had to, but I couldn’t fathom the thought of not having a child. It was a little selfish, as I was focusing on my timeline and the fact that nothing was materializing according to my plans. It didn’t happen. Although adoption has always been a desire of mine, I will allow God to alert me when it is time. He has consistently shown me that I am not in control and like the scripture says His purpose prevails.

In order for us to know that purpose, we have to look around us, or ask our heavenly manufacturer what the real issue is; So I did. My issue is that I am still learning how to love effectively. I typically love on a surface level. We’re good as long as you don’t get too close, then here come the walls of Jericho! Wouldn’t that be an awful relationship? I am learning the art of stepping outside of myself to love people in general, without fear and inhibitions. This assignment, as well as people that God has placed in my life are showing me how to grow in love and teaching me how to be vulnerable. Do I always accept the opportunities? Nope. But I do try to correct them because I am now aware of my actions. I am learning to be discerning and not skeptical. I will be able to express my thoughts and feelings, even if I have to write it out. Most importantly, I will be able to accept love completely, so my husband won’t feel rejected.

So if you are a single lady, my advice would be to make the most of your time in this season. Ask God how you can grow and heal to be more effective for the gift that He has to release and work towards that growth. Whatever you don’t work on or at least become aware of now will be magnified when you add another person in the equation. Be proactive instead of reactive in prayer. We usually go forth with someone new when the vibe hits and then pray “God, if this isn’t for me, show me or take it away.” Then we proceed to collect red flags and hope for the best; Just like Leah. By being proactive, we are able to be specific in prayer and know if it’s right or wrong when presented because of what we put before God. Not only will it look like what we asked for, but we don’t run the risk of living a one-sided love affair like Leah. Pray for your husband/mate, not just about him. He needs healing, growth, and development as well. This will also grow your faith.

I pray that we will continue to be encouraged. I pray that we will continue to cultivate the most important relationship before inviting someone else into our world. I pray that there He will give divine instructions and provide our standard to make the right decisions. I pray that we can relinquish our control so that His perfect plan can prevail. I pray that His plan for healthy, kingdom relationships and connections will be valued and welcomed by His daughters. Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted with His promise. (Hebrews 10:23) Live on, sis!