Hey ladies! As always, I am excited to share with you this month! There is a word that has been coming up in my vocabulary lately in different conversations and that word is sober. Of course, we have always known that definition as being clean, or not intoxicated by a substance such as drugs and alcohol. Sober also means to be self-controlled, restrained, clear-headed, and temperate. Have you ever considered how sobriety can be applied in our daily lives? Follow me, sweet face!

Let me tell you a funny story that was brought to my memory. I have never been a real drinker, so my tolerance is low. I may have a cute drink and I’m done because to me, I would kinda rather go shopping as a habit. Well, a few years ago for my birthday I decided that I was going to have a small kick back at my house and I was gonna partake in some libations! Yes, your girl got intoxicated! I knew when I stumbled on an ottoman that had been in my living room for years that I was just a tad bit lit! The alcohol impaired my thoughts and I figured”Oh yea, this glass is not that big, I can drink ALL of this.” I also thought that I could shake it like a red-nose because I looked it up on YouTube! 🤦🏾‍♀️So my sober friend had to tell me about my shenanigans the next day and I was like “I did that!??!” That was my first and last incident! My judgement was clouded, and had I been sober honey, NONE of that would have happened. My character was compromised, because what I didn’t say is that my crush was there as well! Don’t judge me, ya’ll!

Ladies, sobriety is not just what I needed that night, we need sobriety for life! We have to be sober to make good decisions, to choose relationships wisely, respond to opportunities that arise, and monitor the thoughts we entertain. Lack of sobriety impairs judgement. When we are intoxicated by our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, there is no room for us to hear God with clarity. What we feel can completely override God’s plans and thoughts for our lives. Lately, I have been having thoughts that tell me that I should just quit or not even pursue things that I know God has asked me to do. I just feel like someone else can do it just as well, it doesn’t seem to be working like I imagined, or that I am not adding value. Those thoughts come when I am drunk off of fear, inadequacy, and comparison. Sobriety would tell me that If God asked me to do it, then there is something that only I can bring to that group, event, or organization. If I quit, I am denying myself and others of an opportunity to see God in my life. If I quit, I am satisfying my flesh and the desires of the enemy.

We can also be intoxicated by things that are blessings or that appear to be a blessing. The enemy gives gifts as well, so we have to be sober. I have never been in a relationship, however I had a “situationship”, and I thought that was God. He loved God, he was a cute face, and it seemed like it would work. In my “knower”, I knew this wasn’t it, but because I just wanted that companionship I was drunk. I did not set boundaries or ask the right questions from the beginning. I chose to stay drunk because I didn’t want to be rejected again. All I got out of that was an emotional soul tie. There was nothing sexual, but I allowed access for him to toy with my emotions because I thought this was a gift. The lesson in this is that I have to be sober, set boundaries, and ask questions from the beginning, no matter how much I want it and without fear of rejection. To be honest, I am going to need someone else to keep me accountable because it is something I have desired so long. The excitement of it all may have me wasted. We can make long term decisions on temporary feelings when we are drunk. At this point in life, I am not in search of someone that makes me feel good, I need someone that has pure motives. Those are just a few of my examples, so what keeps you drunk, sis?

I’ve heard that when one is partaking in the turn up, it is wise to drink water. The water helps to dilute the alcohol so you won’t get too wasted by what you are ingesting. I guess you get the buzz, but you are still coherent. Let’s apply that to the place in our lives where we are intoxicated. We have to flush it out with the water of the word. We have to recite the word when those thoughts come to deceive us. God’s word is our weapon to fight against those thoughts. Usually if something has your mind, it has you. We have been given the living water to be sober. The word says in 2 Corinthians 10:4-6 “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,  casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.”

This verse let’s us know that the fight is spiritual. The enemy wants us to stay in an intoxicated state so that we can’t pursue God fully. This tells us that we have to cast down those thoughts and that we bring them captive, which means to lock them up. Taking the authority that God has given us over those thoughts. When a thought, feeling, or emotion comes, we can recite this scripture, among others. 1 Thessalonians 5:6-8 says “So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night.  But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.” This tells us to be alert of the intoxicating thoughts, feelings, and emotions by being awake and sober; It also tells us to gird ourselves with faith and love, and cover our head (which is where those thoughts reside) with hope and salvation.

I pray that we will continue to be alert and sober against the attacks against our mind, will, and emotions. I pray that we will continue to allow God to wash us with the water of His word and equip us with the proper tools to do our part in the fight. I pray that we will invite God into those places and allow His word to be performed in our lives. That we will be victorious over those feelings, thoughts, and emotions and step outside of ourselves to pursue Him and His plan for our lives with our whole hearts. That we cast down any strongholds that try to captivate our minds, and declare God’s word over every thought that is contrary to who He says we are. Stay sober, my friends!

Hello my loves! It is almost spring! During this time, some people do what they call “spring cleaning.” They take the time to do things that don’t get done on a regular basis; The more labor-intensive jobs that come along with having your own space. We have also heard of internal cleansing, such as a detox. A detox cleanses our bodies of toxic matter that has built up over time and if left unchecked, may cause issues. Have you ever considered a cleansing of your thought processes, habits, and deeply rooted issues that affect your quality of life? This one may be a little lengthy, but well worth it. Let’s talk about it!

I have been on a journey of developing in my character, growing, and healing in certain areas. One area I am being intentional about is self-awareness. “What does that mean, you ask?” Well, self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings, motives, and desires. It is also defined as a clear perception of strengths and weaknesses. Another word I want to give you is the definition of the word Authenticity, which is basically being real or genuine. There is a direct relationship between the two. You can’t have true authenticity without being self-aware.

There are so many things that contribute to who we are as individuals. There could be things that come from our bloodlines and upbringing, hurt and disappointments of life, decisions we have made, and relationships we entertain, that play a huge part in who we become. We are products of our environments and can sometimes be oblivious to our strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and issues because we all naturally have blindspots. Those are the things we don’t see–even when we are looking. After doing something or being a certain way for so long, we can often think our behaviors are “normal.” Only someone from the outside can say “ummm, normal to whom?”

Our response is classic, “That’s just who I am!” I have been challenging myself by asking “But who said that was right, and when is it a good time to change that?” Usually, the person that addresses it is not the only person that notices. We can be made aware of those things by revelation and conviction from God, friends, family, and people we spend time with. Oh yes, God has challenged and brought things to my attention many times. There are also times when friends and family will bring them to your attention. Now here’s a disclaimer, please consider the source when the above takes place. They have to be trusted individuals that know you beyond the surface and tell you in love, not just because it’s something they have always wanted to say.

I will give you some transparency to paint a picture. This is an example of an issue that can come through the bloodline and its affects. In November, I went on my first solo trip to a women’s conference in Raleigh, NC. On the very first day, they spoke about generational issues and I got a very disturbing revelation. I was already aware that I have trust issues that have altered the way I handle relationships. I remembered in that moment that my great-great-grandmother, who was alive well into my adult life, would always tell us “Never trust anyone.” That is literally a word curse. I didn’t make it a habit of repeating it, but I never knew how those seeds sown have had an affect on me. I have no idea who jilted her or her previous generations, but that’s not healthy. Goodness knows I didn’t need that extra baggage. How does that statement look as a woman that wants to be married? How does that look at a time in my life when I am seeking deep connection and meaningful relationships? How does that look as I grow in my relationship with God? It looks like Mr. Wilson from Home Improvement! If you ever watched, you never saw anything but his eyes and there was always a fence between them! They have to relate to me over my walls. I thought “This has to be broken!” I need freedom and so does my family! I will not let this carry on into the lineage that comes from me! This is just my example. Often times we love so hard that we never take an opportunity to really look at our history to see why we are the way we are. As you continue to grow, you begin to see things that are just not quite acceptable. It is not always for you to say something! I’m going to give you a tool that may help.

I want to share with you the ASK concept; Acknowledge, Seek, Know. We cannot heal from anything we won’t own! God can’t fix who we pretend to be. We have to acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses. This helps us build better relationships, and we were created to be relational. There is always a root to every issue. Acknowledge them and figure out where it came from. It could be Anger, lust, fear, overeating, self-righteousness, or gossiping. It had to come from somewhere. Now you can proceed to seek. We must seek God for help! Some things are deeply rooted and must be broken! Pray, find scripture concerning that issue, you may even have to turn down a meal or two. Whatever it takes to get free! Once you have acknowledged, reveal to an accountability partner that will encourage your growth and help you seek healing and freedom. This accountability partner is someone that can call you on the carpet when you’re ready to go from 0-100 because you have an attitude problem. Proverbs 27:6 tells us “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” It’s better for a trusted individual to tell you your attitude is nasty than for others to just talk about you.

The last one is to know. You must know your triggers and try not to put yourself in compromising situations. Sis, if lust is your issue, maybe being out with bae late at night isn’t a good look. Maybe it’s that certain people take you back to the “old” you, that may not be your crowd anymore. That crew may not want to follow you in the new direction God is taking you. This takes a great level of maturity. You have to learn to say no to things that were once enticing to you or made you behave in a certain way.

So, I’m pretty sure you have identified some key areas that have now made you self-aware! If not, hopefully, you are seriously planning to think and pray on those things so the cleansing and healing can begin. Congratulations you are on the way to your authentic self! Most people think that being real is being bluntly honest. That is partly true, but most of us are not that real about things that really matter. Please realize that you can’t bare your soul to everyone. Y’all, social media is not the place to bleed! However, there are some people that need your authenticity to lead them to a deeper relationship with God. Give them something that shows your flaws, but also shows them how God uses your flaws because they are surrendered to Him. Truth is, we will be working on something until we expire; that’s why we need God.

I pray that we all become more self-aware, not to beat ourselves up, but to build ourselves in those areas of weakness. I pray that we surrender those things to God and seek him for healing and cleansing. I pray he places the right people in our lives to show them our scars, bleed in a trustworthy environment, and allow them to hold us accountable as we endeavor to be healthy, whole, and authentic. We will know the triggers and make strides to protect ourselves against those things that try to keep us in bondage. Prayerfully this was a helpful tool in your growth and restoration! Peace and blessings!

Well hello Lovelies! February is a month that is known for its celebration of Black History Month and Valentine’s Day. During this month we honor the pioneers that have paved the way for us as women, and we celebrate the love for ourselves or allow ourselves to be celebrated by a significant other. There are many pioneer women in the Bible as well. Women that we admire and have grown to love. Typically the woman we are talking about this month is one that is mostly mentioned around Mother’s Day. If you haven’t figured it out already, this month we are talking about the Proverbs 31 Woman!

I have read this passage in the Bible so many times and thought “Ummm, she does too much, I kinda don’t wanna be like her. I’ll look for someone that isn’t so intense!” I’m not exactly the get up before everyone, cooking breakfast type. However, I tried the Proverbs 31 Project by Melissa Callaway. It is literally a year-long challenge with things to do to push towards the goal of being the Proverbs 31 woman of this age. I stopped around the 4th month; Right when she gave me that workout plan! I rebuked that because they did not have gyms then. It says she was strong, not skinny, just saying. Reading it sounded very intimidating and unrealistic, then I found The Passion Translation. I absolutely encourage you to check it out on the YouVersion App and study in comparison with other versions to get greater understanding. Many think that Proverbs 31 only applies to being a good wife and mother, but being a Proverbs 31 Woman benefits our roles at work, business, at school, at church, and with friends. No one is exempt from needing to have good character. This woman was one of wisdom, strength, and virtue. The people around her were beneficiaries of the woman she was! Now, who wouldn’t want to be a woman of that caliber??

The verses about the virtuous woman start at Proverbs 31:10. In the Passion Translation, verse 10 says “Who could ever find a wife (woman) like this one-she is a woman of strength and mighty valor. She is full of wealth and wisdom. The price paid for her was greater than many jewels.” This lets us know that she has great value. She has been cultivated by spending time with God and has gained strength and wisdom. She has wealth, not just monetary, but as you read, you see that she is rich in relationships, favor, love, and honor. One of my favorite verses in this version is verse 14. It says “She gives out revelation-truth to feed others, she is like a trading ship bringing divine supplies from the merchant.” To me, this sounds like her mouth spews honesty and virtue because she is the trading ship and she brings divine wisdom, revelation, and understanding from the merchant, which is God! This shows us that she is not for the foolery! She had to keep her well pure.

This woman is not selfish, she reaches out to those in need and extends generosity. She is prepared for the future, this means being strategic about her next moves. Lazy is not her portion, as she proactively searches out the needs of her family. She looks good, and so does her family. Her husband and children honor her. She is a teacher, not just to her family, but she is generous with the wisdom that God has given her. The light on her life is infectious and makes others want to do whatever she did to get whatever she has! She is mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally available for her family. Her husband values and trust her to govern her areas of expertise because of the wisdom she holds. I gained a deeper revelation of this amazing woman and realized that she has many qualities and traits that I aspire to master!

Her value, fragrance, and oil are priceless! Not just anyone can afford what she has to offer! Ladies, we must protect our oil; Not everyone deserves it! This stands true in romantic and platonic relationships. God has called us priceless, precious jewels! Our oil can’t be duplicated. You know how two people can have on the same fragrance and they each smell different? Because they have different body chemistry! What I have won’t necessarily work for you and vice versa! Doesn’t that make you feel special? The fragrance you carry is specific to you! You work harder to protect something when you realize that you are the only one that can provide it! Beauty and charm are nice, but your fragrance adds substance and depth.

The Proverbs 31 woman was actually a portrait of the ideal woman meant to be “fit for a king.” However, these should be life goals. These qualities and characteristics keep us closer to God and draw others because they feel Him by just being in our presence. We will not get to this point by just reading books or going to conferences;We get there by understanding our true identity, cultivating our relationship with God, and hiding His word in our hearts. Psalms 119:11 says “I have hidden your word in my heart so I might not sin against you.” When we know our standard, we at least make a conscious effort to do better. She had the heart of God. She was in a place where He poured out His heart concerning her directly to her. She was an investor. She invested her time, energy, and resources to serve God and those around her. This ladies, is a phenomenal woman.

I am a believer that when we ask God for something, He often answers us with an opportunity. We don’t have to aspire to be just like the Proverbs 31 Woman, however, I’m sure she possesses something we need more of. It could be “God I need to be more submissive.” Well, next time your husband makes a decision that is reasonable, but you will not enjoy, submit! That’s your opportunity! It may be “God I need to work on being so selfish.” When someone asks for some of your hot, salty McDonald’s fries, share!! That’s an opportunity! We get opportunities to grow in our character daily; from a micromanaging boss, a whiny kid, an unreasonable coworker, to an annoying mate. Y’all, people make it hard, don’t they? I know! There are many days I want to push someone down and hope they don’t get hurt! But those are opportunities, it’s up to us whether we accept the challenge or choose to stay where we are. Let’s take steps to grow and be better women for our community, jobs, ministries, friends, and our world! We are called to be change agents, so ask yourself “Am I changing my atmosphere for the good or bad?”

My prayer is that God brings those growth areas to our attention. That we don’t take offense, but allow it to bother us enough to change! I pray that we will continue to seek Him for how we should handle our opportunities to grow and enhance the women we are. I pray that He would give us grace and strength to pursue those changes. I pray that our change will be visible by all and that it ignites a fire within others to grow! We don’t have to be the Proverbs 31 Woman, but we can use her as a role model to be greater wives, mothers, and women!

Happy New Year my loves!! I pray that your new year is off to a WONDERFUL start! This month we are talking about newness. This has blessed me personally and has given me a totally different perspective. I want you all to know that I am never talking at you, the revelation smacks me in the face first before it gets to you! This journey is for us all! Now, about this newness. Of course, I have confided in my dictionary and found some definitions for you. The one that stood out to me was “something unfamiliar or something unaccustomed.”

A New Year-2019

This year is full of possibilities, but it is also full of things that are unfamiliar-much like our walk with Christ. We have to trust that He is the God of the new. Have you ever been dealing with a situation and wondered, “Why am I not able to get over this? Why can’t I just start over? Why am I in this continuous cycle?” Could it be that we have not released the old? The Good Book says in Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Every cause has an effect. When we let go of the past things and people that hurt us or the decisions we regret, we will be able to perceive the new thing He has for us.

The first step in walking into the new is to identify those past hurts and regrets and gracefully release them to God. Yes, gracefully. THAT👏🏽IS👏🏽HARD👏🏽! I was listening to Dr. Faith Wakoma and she stated that “If you curse the previous place, you close the door to the new place. ” 🙌🏾🙌🏾 So, instead we must accept what happened, ask God to heal us and allow us to release the past, and understand that it was preparation for the new place. Sometimes we grieve the place that we are in or even the idea of where we want to be for so long, that God can’t get the new thing to us because we are still in mourning. For example, I have to release the idea that according to my plan, I was supposed to be married to a nice, tall, butter pecan tan man of God with good hair by the time I was 25, have my daughter by 28, my son by 30 and live happily ever after! Well, I have gracefully walked past each of those milestone ages, soooo apparently God and I were not on the same page about those #Relationshipgoals! If I hold on to that idea, how can I effectively receive the plan that God has for me? I will always compare it to what I think I was supposed to have. We can’t be so fixated on what we want that we take our eyes off of the new thing that God wants to do. His plan is always greater!

A Biblical Example-Our Sister Ruth

I’m sure EVERY woman has heard the story of Ruth. We usually just skip to the part about her getting her Boaz, however, there is so much more to that story. Admit it, you have probably told someone at least once you’re waiting on your Boaz! Let’s leave her boo alone and get us Devante or Seth with a Boaz mentality! If you haven’t already, I encourage you to read the book of Ruth–it is only 4 chapters. Ruth is actually the daughter in law of Naomi. Naomi was married and had two sons and another daughter in law Orpah. Naomi’s husband and sons passed away which left Naomi feeling betrayed. She held on to that grief and decided to go back to her hometown. Her daughters in law were coming with her but she was not having it. She was like “Look, I have nothing for you, I can’t have another son to be your husband, go home to your own families.” Orpah was like “noooo!!” The kind of no that you say when you really want someone to say “yes, please go!” Ruth was steadfast. She was not taking no for an answer. Naomi was still grieving and even asked that they call her Mara(meaning bitter) during this time. Ruth could have went back to familiarity, instead, she walked into the new!

In this new land, she was diligent in taking care of Naomi by working in the fields. While Ruth was out there, Boaz came out and asked who the new pretty young thing was. He instructed his people to give her special treatment and leave grain for her to glean on purpose. Not only did she get provision, but she also got a husband out of the deal! Ruth went from gleaning in the field to owning the field! She was in a position to receive because she had released the grief and pain from her past and accepted this new place that God had led her to. She even helped to restore Naomi’s faith in God.

We never hear about Orpah again, however, Ruth’s story is still being told; She is the great-grandmother of King David and in the lineage of Jesus. What she thought was just faithfulness to her mother in law was actually her mandate to carry out the promise! From that story, we see that God is a God of restoration. Ruth didn’t hold on to her pain and sorrow. She grieved, however, she didn’t allow the grief to overcome her. In doing this, she made herself available to all that God had to give. He redeemed her time! He made her story one of beauty; He made all things new!

Walking Into Your New

So what are you grieving? What are you missing out on because it doesn’t look like what you asked for? What space can we trade for a new, unfamiliar place? Yours may be different from my previously mentioned example. Trust me, we all have an area or two that could be up for discussion. Let’s look deep and figure those things out so we can be free to receive this year. Our story may not be like Ruth’s, or anyone else we know. God doesn’t have to bring my husband like He brought Ruth’s, I want to experience something new! However, I can’t block my blessing by holding on to my vision for that area of my life. My prayer is that we can be honest with ourselves and identify the things or people we are grieving. I pray that we give those things to God and ask Him to help us to release the regret and pain. Let us walk in a freedom that unlocks the doors to all that God has in store for us. I pray that He makes all things new and redeems the time we spent in mourning. Let’s set the tone for our year to be available for the new things our God is doing!