Hello sweets! Welcome to October’s blog post! I can’t believe we are almost at the end of 2020! I can understand that some of us are kinda ready for a do over and praying for some normalcy. This month I am going to share with you some epiphanies I have experienced and how they have caused me to correct some of my thought processes. So, one day I was walking with my friend in her neighborhood. We were approaching some ladies and it was a little obvious that one of them was not going to speak. My friend is ultra friendly so she spoke anyway, one spoke and I spoke back, but as we walked away I said “Liberties”. My friend asked for an explanation and I basically said we shouldn’t get offended as we all have liberties. The lady was using her liberty of not having to speak, and I was allowing her to have that. That was the first time I ever used liberties in that context. I probably haven’t said the word since I was helping my niece learn the Constitution song! I had no idea that the very next week I would need to understand that term more deeply to make better decisions concerning my next moves.

The next week, I was listening to a podcast called “Dear Future Wifey.” It’s amazing, you guys should check it out. There was a guy on there and while he was talking I had my own personal epiphany. I literally said LIBERTIES out loud! Liberty by definition is “A state of being free from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one’s way of life, behavior, or political views.” It is a right or priviledge. Here is where I realized I need to apply “liberties” to my life.

I immediately thought of two areas that I needed to work on my personal application of “Liberties.” Both of them have a common root of rejection. First, I struggle with having hard conversations. I know, that is a part of life! I am always concerned about how the other person will feel, but what about my feelings? I realized that I should have the liberty to express my feelings and truth openly without feeling that I am rejecting or offending them. I am usually projecting my rejection issues on them. They may be ok with what I say, as long as the delivery is articulated peacefully. I heard a freeing statement that says “You are not responsible for how someone manages your truth.” This means we don’t carry the responsibility of managing our emotions and theirs. People may not agree or understand, you just have the liberty to set boundaries or show people what hurts in your world. We do have the responsibility of making sure we view all aspects and check ourselves as well to make sure we are in line with the truth of the word. It should be delivered appropriately and the ultimate goal should be peace.

I recently had to have a hard conversation with someone. I thought I articulated it well verbally, but apparently I wasn’t clear enough. It took a few weeks for me to gather the courage, but since I am a much better written communicator, I decided to do it that way. It took way more prepping than it should have, but I did it. The response was one of approval and understanding, but I had to free myself of how they handled what I wrote knowing I had done so in a respectable way. I exercised my liberties, and it was truly liberating.

The next area is one that I realized I have been doing all my life. I would disqualify myself before I would give someone else the opportunity to agree or disagree. I didn’t allow others to have the liberty to accept or provide opportunities, because I didn’t want to deal with the rejection. Looking back, I can see the areas where I either sabotaged situations or simply concealed my desires because the actions or words of others were filtered through my wounds. This caused me to make decisions for them, which was usually no. I would always say that I don’t believe in self-inflicted pain, but I had been doing that all along! So I realized that I needed to make sure that not only did I allow others to have to have the liberty to make their decision, but I need to embrace it. No matter how that looks. Do you know how many healthy friendships, relationships, and connections I could have made if I would have just been open enough to receive? If I would have let others exercise their liberties?

This is difficult and takes work. It means actually putting yourself in a space for someone to hurt you. Y’all that’s hard, but it’s the only way! Every relationship carries a risk of hurt or rejection, even parental and marital relationships. Hard conversations have to be had and liberties have to be given as well as received. It just takes asking God for discernment, trusting God with people instead of trusting them, and being open to the possibilities. Everyone doesn’t have ill intentions. Everyone is not a predator. God gives us the opportunities to make healthy connections often, but we usually fail because of our wounds and reluctance. I personally, had to make the decision that healthy connections are needed, so I have to do the soul work to heal and allow access to others with guidance from God.

The opposite of liberties is bondage. I had no idea that restricting the liberties of myself and others left me in a bound state. Now that I have learned, I can’t correct the past, but I can embrace opportunities to exercise my liberties and welcome the liberties of others, whatever that looks like. Zig Ziglar said it best when he said “You cant keep punishing yourself for something that you didn’t know until you learned it.” When you know better, you do better.

I pray that this has blessed someone and allows us to come out of bondage to embrace our liberties and the liberties of others. I pray that we can allow ourselves the freedom to speak our truth in love. That we seek God for the right words as we share what hurts, words seasoned with salt and truth of God’s word. Help us to see those hard conversations as tools to sharpen us as we are accountable and hold others accountable. I pray that as we guard our hearts by the leading of the Holy Spirit we will build healthy boundaries, not walls, that will cover us as we enter into relationships and acquaintances. Help us to heal so we hear what others say from a place of health, not through our wounds. Father, show us where we have not been using our liberties and help us to gain freedom. The freedom to grow, evolve, and welcome the amazing things you have planned for us. Amen!

PS: Broken To Beautiful is now also a PODCAST!!! Please check out Episode 1 on mybrokentobeautiful.com as well as Spotify, Apple Podcast, and Google Podcast platforms!! So excited to share this new venture with you all! Blessings!

Hello ladies and welcome to the September blog! I am so excited to share this new journey I am on with you all. Over the past few months, I have been exploring a lifestyle change for weight loss. At the time of composing this blog, I have lost almost 30 pounds in 3.5 months! Just like the title, it has been a struggle, but I must say I am proud of myself for committing to reverse my toxic view of my body and living a healthier life. I can’t say this will fix all of the issues, but I will say that I am progressing towards a place of being more comfortable with my body and becoming the best version of myself. I can actually feel some positive growth already.

I have been pleasantly plump literally all my life. I looked at videos from when I was around two years old in disbelief because I looked like a little basketball! I kinda want to blame it on my grandma and mama for feeding me grits and potatoes as soon as I could open my mouth it seems, but it’s not all their fault! I also happen to be very domesticated and gifted in the cooking and baking arenas from a very young age. People know me for my confidence in the kitchen, so I have always been able to try all kinds of amazing things.

I don’t think I have ever really shared this, but at my largest, I was around the 350-ish mark. Thank God for proportion, and good plus sized clothing! I could dress it up, but seeing those numbers caused me to feel horrible. Over the years I have lost weight and maintained, I even got to the clothing size I wanted to be, but those numbers still discouraged me. I was always heavier than my friends, and I would never want to shop with people. They would ask me what size I needed and I would wait until they walked away to find my size. The view of my body image became toxic because I constantly compared myself to others. I can’t even say that I was picked on when I was younger, it was just my negative views of myself that caused me to feel unwanted, ugly, and inadequate. I felt that if I were smaller things would somehow be better.

I am sure I’m not the only one who can relate. There are many that have figures that most would love to have and they still feel that they need to lose 15 more pounds in order to be happy with themselves. There are also some that are ridiculed because they are seen as too thin. But whose standards are we following? Are we following society’s standards? Maybe social media makes it hard for us to settle into a place of contentment with our bodies as we compare ourselves to the beauty of others? Maybe it is because of a relationship or past relationship, bullies, parents, or siblings. Wherever the situation stems from, it is a hurtful feeling to hate your own body. Trust me, I know. This causes us to forget who we truly are, and deviate from God’s true intent of how we should view ourselves.

God has so much to say about how special we are to Him in His word. In Genesis, He says that He created us in His image, and everything He created was GOOD! Isn’t God known as the most beautiful one? What does that say about us? Psalm 139:13-16(NLT) says “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” This passage shows us how careful and strategic He was in our creation. He knew and loved every part of us before we were created, so much so, He sent His son to die for us and gave us the option to love Him back!

Of course God loves our outer beauty, but He is very much concerned about our inner beauty because that is how others see Him through us. If we have a toxic view of our outer beauty, that can cause us to struggle with many issues that literally cover the light of Jesus inside of us. Things like depression, fear, rejection, and low self-esteem can cause us to withdraw and suppress who we are truly called to be. Matthew 5:14-16 says  “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” This scripture is talking about us! We are the light, but if we allow the negative view of ourselves to plague us, it is like putting our light under a bowl. This brings us to a place of darkness, a place where the enemy dwells and continues to tell us lies that are contrary to how God feels about us.

So, how can we combat these feelings? First, we can seek and remember what our creator says about us in His word. There is a psychological term called thought stopping. It is basically when a negative thought comes, you immediately stop it by replacing it with a positive thought. We can replace it with scripture or positive affirmations about ourselves. We can also take action. My weight issue was something I could actually change. I just had to get to a point where I wanted to change it and stay committed to it. We can take small steps towards short term goals until we reach the place we want to be. Get accountability. I am very thankful for my accountability partners in my weight loss journey as well as someone to keep me accountable when a negative thought about myself happens to spew out of my mouth. These people are the ones that can help you get back on track, rebuke you in love, and encourage you on the journey.

I pray that my story has encouraged someone, no matter where your issue lies. Father, I ask that you would release the shame we feel concerning our body images and help us to see ourselves the way you see us. I pray that we continue to hold on to your word concerning us, that we see that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that we embrace the fact that God was strategic in the creation of each of us and everything He makes is Good. I am thankful that from this point, we will not suppress our light, but we will come out of the dark places as you bring us to a place of healing so that we can take back our rightful place as the city on the hill. Thank you for allowing our thoughts to align with yours. Thank you for our complexities and unique gifts and talents. Thank you for allowing us to encounter people that will be our safe places to share those thoughts and feelings and encourage us as we move to a healthier place in our minds. I pray that our light shines with the confidence that God gives us to be BEAUTIFUL vessels showing His glory both inside and out. Amen! Love you to pieces!!