Hello ladies and welcome to the September blog! I am so excited to share this new journey I am on with you all. Over the past few months, I have been exploring a lifestyle change for weight loss. At the time of composing this blog, I have lost almost 30 pounds in 3.5 months! Just like the title, it has been a struggle, but I must say I am proud of myself for committing to reverse my toxic view of my body and living a healthier life. I can’t say this will fix all of the issues, but I will say that I am progressing towards a place of being more comfortable with my body and becoming the best version of myself. I can actually feel some positive growth already.

I have been pleasantly plump literally all my life. I looked at videos from when I was around two years old in disbelief because I looked like a little basketball! I kinda want to blame it on my grandma and mama for feeding me grits and potatoes as soon as I could open my mouth it seems, but it’s not all their fault! I also happen to be very domesticated and gifted in the cooking and baking arenas from a very young age. People know me for my confidence in the kitchen, so I have always been able to try all kinds of amazing things.

I don’t think I have ever really shared this, but at my largest, I was around the 350-ish mark. Thank God for proportion, and good plus sized clothing! I could dress it up, but seeing those numbers caused me to feel horrible. Over the years I have lost weight and maintained, I even got to the clothing size I wanted to be, but those numbers still discouraged me. I was always heavier than my friends, and I would never want to shop with people. They would ask me what size I needed and I would wait until they walked away to find my size. The view of my body image became toxic because I constantly compared myself to others. I can’t even say that I was picked on when I was younger, it was just my negative views of myself that caused me to feel unwanted, ugly, and inadequate. I felt that if I were smaller things would somehow be better.

I am sure I’m not the only one who can relate. There are many that have figures that most would love to have and they still feel that they need to lose 15 more pounds in order to be happy with themselves. There are also some that are ridiculed because they are seen as too thin. But whose standards are we following? Are we following society’s standards? Maybe social media makes it hard for us to settle into a place of contentment with our bodies as we compare ourselves to the beauty of others? Maybe it is because of a relationship or past relationship, bullies, parents, or siblings. Wherever the situation stems from, it is a hurtful feeling to hate your own body. Trust me, I know. This causes us to forget who we truly are, and deviate from God’s true intent of how we should view ourselves.

God has so much to say about how special we are to Him in His word. In Genesis, He says that He created us in His image, and everything He created was GOOD! Isn’t God known as the most beautiful one? What does that say about us? Psalm 139:13-16(NLT) says “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” This passage shows us how careful and strategic He was in our creation. He knew and loved every part of us before we were created, so much so, He sent His son to die for us and gave us the option to love Him back!

Of course God loves our outer beauty, but He is very much concerned about our inner beauty because that is how others see Him through us. If we have a toxic view of our outer beauty, that can cause us to struggle with many issues that literally cover the light of Jesus inside of us. Things like depression, fear, rejection, and low self-esteem can cause us to withdraw and suppress who we are truly called to be. Matthew 5:14-16 says  “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” This scripture is talking about us! We are the light, but if we allow the negative view of ourselves to plague us, it is like putting our light under a bowl. This brings us to a place of darkness, a place where the enemy dwells and continues to tell us lies that are contrary to how God feels about us.

So, how can we combat these feelings? First, we can seek and remember what our creator says about us in His word. There is a psychological term called thought stopping. It is basically when a negative thought comes, you immediately stop it by replacing it with a positive thought. We can replace it with scripture or positive affirmations about ourselves. We can also take action. My weight issue was something I could actually change. I just had to get to a point where I wanted to change it and stay committed to it. We can take small steps towards short term goals until we reach the place we want to be. Get accountability. I am very thankful for my accountability partners in my weight loss journey as well as someone to keep me accountable when a negative thought about myself happens to spew out of my mouth. These people are the ones that can help you get back on track, rebuke you in love, and encourage you on the journey.

I pray that my story has encouraged someone, no matter where your issue lies. Father, I ask that you would release the shame we feel concerning our body images and help us to see ourselves the way you see us. I pray that we continue to hold on to your word concerning us, that we see that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that we embrace the fact that God was strategic in the creation of each of us and everything He makes is Good. I am thankful that from this point, we will not suppress our light, but we will come out of the dark places as you bring us to a place of healing so that we can take back our rightful place as the city on the hill. Thank you for allowing our thoughts to align with yours. Thank you for our complexities and unique gifts and talents. Thank you for allowing us to encounter people that will be our safe places to share those thoughts and feelings and encourage us as we move to a healthier place in our minds. I pray that our light shines with the confidence that God gives us to be BEAUTIFUL vessels showing His glory both inside and out. Amen! Love you to pieces!!

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Happy August my friends! I pray you guys are staying safe and making the most out of this very peculiar time. Most of us have been working and still living life as normal as we can right now, but I am sure we can all admit to having more down time. If you are anything like me, I just hate going out in the heat and wearing the mask, so I just chill out. It is a good thing, but because I am a thinker, I have had way too much time to do a lot of that!

It seems that this year I have been asking myself a lot of questions. I have been known to be a little inquisitive, but usually with others, not myself! I was looking through my journal and I saw lots of questions that I have written down so that I could put my thoughts on paper. Some I answered in the moment, some I have yet to answer. I began to wonder why I had so many questions, then I realized it was because I am on a journey. A journey of self-discovery. A journey of evolution.

I looked up the definition of evolution and it means “To grow or develop gradually, especially from a simple to a more complex form.” The Latin form of this word means “to unroll or unravel.” Some synonyms are to progress, produce, advance, mature, and expand. All of these things seem to be happening to me simultaneously, but at different levels. I am quite sure this is the same for you as well. During this pandemic most of us have been almost forced to grow, change, or adapt in many areas. Change is about the only constant in life. We can do it willingly or by force. If you think for a second, I am sure you can think of a few areas where you have evolved recently as well! Look at you, sis!

The questions I have been asking myself have forced me to think on a deeper level and even challenge myself to figure out why I feel or think the way I do. However, that is a part of evolving. It involves asking ourselves the hard questions and finding out who we really are at our core so that we can show up as our authentic selves. It means working through challenges and situations that mature us and cause us to develop a depth in our thought processes. It equips us, progresses us, and causes us to produce fruit. We all want to be fruitful right? That’s kinda what we were created to do. Remember in the last post I stated that we were created to be fruitful and multiply and how it was not just concerning having children? We were created to live a life that draws others to Christ and multiplies the kingdom of God. That requires participation in growth and evolution.

I was reminded of a passage of scripture in John 15:1-5(NLT) where Jesus tells us about producing fruit. He says “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” Jesus is explaining to us how God prunes us, or removes branches that don’t bear fruit. Those things or people that are not conducive to our purpose or who we are and things that hinder us from being who we were called to be. This happens through our circumstances, relationships, or elements of our environment that cause us to evaluate ourselves and provoke change. It makes room for good fruit.

Jesus tells us that we have been given the word that shows us the model, but we have to stay connected to Him in order to produce fruit. Willpower will not do it, counseling alone will not do it, wise counsel from friends will not do it. We must stay connected through prayer in order to do this. He is quick to tell us that apart from Him we can do NOTHING! I can’t imagine doing it without Him. Evolution is painful, because it is pruning. It’s peeling back layers. Evolution is a process, and sometimes a process that has to be walked out with just you and God. It requires our permission. It requires us to submit to how He wants to approach our evolution specifically to us, which can be soooo difficult because we have to relinquish our control. But, when I think about a barren tree that produces fruit, to me when the fruit appear on the tree, it is an unveiling. It is a testament of what that tree had endure in order for others to see the glory. An opportunity to marvel at it’s sight and be able to be a partaker of what it has produced.

The illustration that came to mind was an art exhibit. Art is known as a symbol of beauty. Typically art or statues are unveiled at exhibits. There is usually a covering over the art until it is ready to be presented to the partakers of the event. This is after it has gone through the mistakes, chiseling, molding, pressure, and setting process. No one sees what that piece of art had to endure for us to behold it’s beauty. That is how our evolution looks. We all have our own individual evolution process, and only the divine artist knows how the finished product will look. Art is all about perception. What I may see as beautiful, you may see it as unattractive, and vice versa. However, it is so good to know that our creator sees us as BEAUTIFUL from beginning to end!!

I pray that we begin to embrace our evolution. I am thankful for God’s grace and mercies that are always there to help us endure. I pray that we give ourselves grace and acknowledge our healthy growth as we press towards what we are called to be in Christ. Father, we thank you for the beauty for our ashes, as you have promised. We believe that you make all things beautiful in it’s time and you make all things work together for our good because we love you. We are thankful that because you have began a GREAT work in us, you are faithful to complete us in every aspect. Amen! Meet you back here next month!

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Happy July lovelies! I am soooo excited as July marks year TWO for Broken To Beautiful!! I hope that this platform has been helpful to you all. I pray that God continues to grace me to provide blogs that promote growth and freedom. Thank you for supporting this mission! Now, let’s get to it!

Lately I have been questioning my theories on the term “The One.” I am sure you all have heard the term “There is someone for everyone.” But is there? I asked a few of my lovelies how they felt about it and I got some different views that surprised me! Some said yes, some said no, and some said yes with conditions. Here is how I feel about it.

I do believe that there is a one for some people. Marriage is a ministry, but it is not everyone’s ministry. God is a very creative God, so I know He is capable of putting people together for multiple purposes. I think back to the very beginning. A few months ago, I was reading Genesis in my Bible study at work and I was in my feelings about my singleness that particular day. I have read and heard Genesis 1 and 2 so many times, but I seemed to have a deeper appreciation of the artistry and strategic nature of God in that moment. The way He created and the timing of the creation proved that He is always thinking about us and our well being, even our relationships.

We got to Genesis 2:18 (NIV) where God said “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” The word suitable stuck out for me. Suitable means “right or appropriate for a particular person, purpose, or situation.” When I saw this, I realized that while we all have desires for various people, God created us to be in relationship with those that are suitable. Everyone is not suitable. This goes for ALL relationships. Say it with me, “NO ENTANGLEMENTS IN THIS SEASON!!” This is why I feel that there is a one for some people, but we forget the suitability part sometimes because we follow our feelings instead of seeking God to see what or who would be suitable for us. God gave us all free will. He places people in our path, but it is ultimately up to us to make the decision. We use the term “following our heart” while God tells us our heart is deceitful. I know mine has led me to some people that I just knew were my person! I have prayed some holy prayers from the desires of my deceitful heart asking God “Just let me have that one!” Unless we fully embrace the mind of Christ for our lives, our minds can mislead us as well.

Let me challenge you. Think about widows. Losing their person is completely beyond their control. I don’t think it is God’s character to say “Well, that was your “one” you can’t have another!” What if we have blocked ourselves from experiencing suitability? For example, sometimes we make these declarations called inner vows. I used to have a BAD issue with names. I did not want a man with a name he needed to grow into, such as Arthur, Earl, Henry etc. No offense to those good, strong names. I just didn’t want them on MY wedding invitations! I was thinking a good Bryan, Marcus, or Jonathan. That’s petty, right? I have loosened up on that. But it’s the same if you say “I will never date a guy in ministry” or “I will never date a guy with children.” I thought about this and I was like I gotta break my foolish vows! What if God wants to send a youth pastor named Earl with two kids? He can be suitable, but I will still push him away because he doesn’t embody my preferences. What if someone just got it wrong? Does that just throw the whole world off? What if someone else has my person??!! If I find out I’m pulling up to get him! LOL

I have heard many stories of God divinely orchestrating relationships. However, I do believe He gets the glory out of everything He does. When He strategically puts people together for whatever purpose, something is produced from that relationship. He desires for us to be fruitful and multiply, and that does not just apply to having children. He doesn’t just put people together because they look cute together and will make pretty babies. Some of the most unlikely couples were put together by God to advance the kingdom. Every connection has a purpose. The late, great Myles Monroe said “If a purpose is not established, abuse is inevitable.” We must make sure that we understand why we are in relationship with others so that we can be effective in our roles.

A few years ago, I heard a question that provoked me to think and caused me to shift my perspective. The question was “Why do you want to get married or why do you want to be in a relationship?” I realized that most of my reasons were kinda vain. You know, vacations, family pictures, and let’s be honest, guilt free sex! I wondered “Why would God feel the need to bless me with “the one” when my reasons for wanting him would only make my heart sparkle and give Him no glory?” So I had to see what His true purpose was for marriage. My prayers for my future spouse began to shift from vain request to character and moral based prayers. God will give us the desire of our heart, but what He does is allows our desire to align with His as we delight ourselves in Him. The more we seek Him, the more we want what He wants for us. Maybe if we allow our desires to align with His, we will be directed in the right direction of one who is suitable.

Just so you know, there is no formula! There is no one that will meet our every need and want, if there was, we would probably make them our god. Sometimes people can become the best thing we never knew we needed. Your story of life is written by God, so it is all in His timing. God cannot be manipulated. If a person is truly suitable, they can become the one. I pray that we fully embrace the love of our first love. I pray that we shift our perspective to mirror the purpose that God has of the suitability of a relationship. I pray that we will follow God’s path towards preparation so that we may not just find someone suitable, but also be suitable. May we take on the mind of Christ as we make decisions about those we allow in our lives. Let us develop a true desire to have meaningful, kingdom connections that always bring glory to God. I love you all and thank you soooo much for your love and support over the past two years!!

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Hello sweet faces! We have arrived in June and I must say I am TIRED! 2020 has been a year FULL of issues, transitions, trials, and loss. I really had something nice and fluffy to talk about this month, but I would be remiss if I grazed past the current issues we are facing as a country. This country is hurting, but it is a totally different feeling when senseless things happen to people who look like you. Things that seem to happen repeatedly. I think I can safely say on behalf of us all, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

These situations are enough to make us experience a myriad of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I had no idea it was sooo heavy on me until I talked about it with a friend. Afterwards, I just felt a release because I had finally verbalized my emotions. During this time, there have been things happening that I agree with, and some that I do not condone, but the root of it all is hurt, fear, and anger. I have friends and acquaintances of all backgrounds that I love. People of all cultures and creeds read this blog. I do not and will not put everyone in one bucket because of the issues at hand, however, we must be cognizant of the issues we face as a whole.

I have family, friends, and acquaintances who look like me that I love dearly. I am praying that they never encounter a situation like George Floyd, Botham Jean, Atatiana Jefferson, Breonna Taylor, Trevon Brown, or Ahmad Arbury. There have become too many victims to name. Each one opening up an old wound. Tragic situations that may not have escalated if their skin color was different. It is not just our brown men and boys that are targeted, they also target our brown girls and women. The security of one’s home does not even translate to our brown men, women, boys, and girls. Scary right? The negativity is real! I have read responses to these tragedies that show me that the hate runs deep. People are very quick to bring up the past mistakes of those victimized, but haven’t we all done something that we don’t actually want to be punished for? Jesus died for ALL of our sins, but we seem to have a lot of Jesus Juniors and Holy Spirit administrators around these days who feel that they have the right to judge that punishment of murder is legitimate in these situations. So how can we contribute?

We know that the initial response is prayer. Prayer can reach places that our hands and feet cannot. Prayer can move mountains and break chains. But, at some point we have to talk and pray about the real issue. Racism. Racism is a generational curse. Just like anger, lust, or illness. It usually starts generations back, and if that history is not properly addressed, it will repeat itself. One thing I have been in prayer about is that God would change the narrative of how people of other races see all black and brown people. You all know the stereotypes. The narratives that say we are a threat, the narratives that say we don’t measure up to a golden standard, the narratives that say we are suspicious. Just like any other race, there are some great individuals and some that need a little help! We are not any more of a threat or deserving of suspicion than our less pigmented brothers and sisters. We do measure up, we do matter, and we have so much to be proud of!

Each of us has a role to play in changing the narrative. There are conversations that must be spoken. We need to talk to our young people about the importance of knowing how to react when in a situation with those in law enforcement. We must teach them to respect authority, but also to respectfully take measures to protect themselves. This is nothing new. Now we just have technology to speak when our words aren’t heard. Have the hard conversations with family and friends on the importance of loving each other regardless of skin color. Help them to understand that you cannot judge by the color of one’s skin. 1 John 4:20 MSG says “If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see?” The Bible says that person is a LIAR, I didn’t!! Check your hearts, y’all! Love and respect are key principles. Even with everything going on, I am proud of the melanin in this skin and I love my culture.

Bottom line is we have had enough, but we are ENOUGH! Our brown babies are ENOUGH! Now more than ever, we must put forth the effort to invest in them now so they won’t see days like this in the future. I do believe this was a turning point. The support is large, and there is true empathy. Don’t let it die! I pray that we are diligent in seeking God for our specific part in this battle. I pray that unity, peace, and love will bubble out of us like rivers of living water. That this water will soothe souls, heal wounds, and break generational curses. I thank you God, that the narrative will be changed. That when they see us, they will see us as Your children. Cover us and our families with your powerful blood. I pray for those in authority, government officials, and leaders, that their thoughts, actions, and beliefs will align with your word. The heart of the king is in Your hands, convict their hearts and minds and turn them towards You. Give us strength, restore our joy, and teach us how to love as You do. Amen, Amen, and Amen! I love you all! Please be safe and take care!

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