Good day my lovelies!! Summer is almost over, the kids are back in school, and it almost my FAVORITE time of the year, Fall! Prayerfully you all are doing well! I am sure you all have heard the song Good Father, if you have not, check it out on YouTube (My favorite version is by Trey McLaughlin). I think the song is soooo wonderful. It tells us about how our Father is good to us, it says He is perfect in all of His ways, and it tells us how much we are loved by God. There is an old colloquialism used that says “God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!” We have all said it or heard it said! But what happens when we are disappointed by the Father who is said to be perfect in all of His ways and good all the time?

Before you get super religious on me, please get real and admit that you are sometimes disappointed by things that happen in life. There are things that disappoint us that we have caused ourselves and then there are those moments that we ask “Why God?” Some people say that we should not question God. This is not true. God has called us His friends, He can handle our questions, conniption fits, and tantrums. Our questions do not intimidate God. Does He have to answer? No. God is sovereign. Will we always know the answer right then? Not always. Some things we will understand by and by. However, I will say that we do have the liberty to ask questions and seek answers through prayer, fasting, and His word.

I have had many moments where I have been disappointed. I’m sure we all can relate to that statement. The one I want to share is the loss of my brother Joshua. Josh passed away March 31, 2016. I was in disbelief as it was totally unexpected. The images of my last day with him replayed in my head like a movie for almost a whole year every night. He was a good kid. He was a junior in college, was quite popular, and I was so proud of the man he was becoming. After he passed, my great-aunt and I were in the room, and once my denial was over all I could do was cry, lay on his chest and sing a song. The song said “In moments like these, I sing out a song, I sing out a love song to Jesus. Singing I Love you Lord.” No idea where that came from. How could I sing this song at a time like this? My mind was saying one thing, but God was doing something in my heart.

Two weeks before my brother passed, I was at a Women’s ministry event. There was one man there and I understood his daughter was the speaker, but I was still wondering why he was there. She was almost done speaking when I looked behind her and saw that he was slumping over. I got the attention of the other ladies, called 911, and took the kids outside. He was no longer breathing. We all prayed and by the time the ambulance came, he was able to get on the stretcher on his own. This man was 70+ with children and grandchildren and prayer saved his life. Had he been home alone, he probably would have passed. Imagine how I felt after seeing this miracle. If He did it before He can do it again, right? Even then, I wasn’t one to only pray when crisis came, so I should have had some power. I wondered why my prayers worked for this stranger but why not for my brother? Did I not have enough faith? He was only twenty and had so much left to do according to me, my family, and his friends.

The day after the funeral, a friend called me. She had recently lost a very close loved one. She asked me if I was angry and if I found it hard to pray. My response was that I wasn’t angry, but I was disappointed. I hadn’t had the time to pray alone because no one would allow me to be alone during that time, but I told her as soon as I had the opportunity I would. I do remember saying Jesus a lot during that week. That in itself is a prayer. I was letting Him know that I needed him. We have disappointments but we cannot allow them to overshadow who He is. When I sang that song in that moment, that had to be God being a good Father. He was comforting me in a moment when no one else could comfort me. He was being the Father that never leaves or forsakes.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.” This pretty much explains it all. There is a time for everything. We have to be able to relinquish control. There are some things that have to be given up no matter how tightly we hold on.

The word tells us in Psalms 34:19 “Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivers him out of them all.” This lets us know that we will experience disappointment and pain, but we have a promise. God wastes nothing! It’s up to us to learn the lessons and grow. I felt my prayers didn’t work in that situation, however they just didn’t line up with the will of God for Josh. My brother departed, but I grew in that process. It gave me a new perspective, it gave me the initiative to make major decisions concerning my life, and it gave me a strength I didn’t know I had. I chose to run to God instead of away from him. Challenges grow our faith and build our muscle. We don’t feel it while we’re in it, but we realize it when the storm has passed.

I am sure that you have had a chance to think of the events of disappointment in your lives. It could be a failed friendship or relationship, being overlooked for a job, loss of a job, infertility, or the loss of a loved one. Disappointment is disappointment. It hurts. But we do have a good Father. The situations we thought were failed could have been God protecting us or Him setting us up for something greater. He is always thinking about us and His plans are always to prosper us. He does love us, and if you are anything like me, you will do almost anything to protect someone you love. He literally sent His son to DIE for us because He loves us!

So in moments of disappointment, we can go to our Father. He has all of the answers; He is the ultimate healer, comforter, provider, and sustainer. I pray that we develop the proper perspective of a good Father. I pray that we understand the love He has for us and continue to pursue Him. I pray that we will seek God for encouragement and direction in our disappointment. I pray that we can effectively release the past disappointments to Him and pursue healing. My prayer is that we come out of agreement with disappointment that has caused us to settle in our grief. God help us to remember that the joy of the Lord is our strength. I am thankful for the growth that we will experience as we come to those places of healing and walk in faith. We thank God that He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. I sooo hope that this was helpful to someone! Love you all so much!

One more thing! Please follow me @mybrokentobeautiful on Facebook for inspiration and love throughout the week! Kisses!!

Good day my loves! This month’s topic was a challenge for me. However, I do believe that in my brainstorming and preparation that God ministered to me as well. This month we are talking about comparison. This was a topic on my original list of blog topics that only took me a year to address, as I thought I wasn’t ready to tackle this beast. As I have said before, this is for all of us! I have not arrived, nor do I proclaim to have done so. I am simply being obedient and allowing God to work in me and through me. Now, let’s talk!

We are all familiar with comparison. We have all compared ourselves to someone else, whether to make ourselves look better or worse, or had others compare themselves to us. We have also compared ourselves to the life or image that we envisioned. We compare our shapes and sizes, homes, cars, mates, children, gifts and talents, and the list goes on! It strikes at our workplace, church, school, and even the grocery stores. Be honest, sis.

I thought back to my first encounter with comparison. It was third grade! I had a friend whose mom would come and eat lunch with her all the time and she always had the fresh Lisa Frank stuff. Y’all remember Lisa Frank!!?? It was really popular amongst school supplies during that time. My mom bought me a few Lisa Frank items, but I wanted ALL the things! Mama couldn’t come eat lunch with me because she had to work so she could feed me when I got home! Of course, I didn’t see that then, I wanted to be just like my friend. In my little third grade mind, I compared my life to hers. That was my third grade experience, but as we grow older, those insecurities become less innocent.

In this world of social media, things have not changed. In fact, I believe they have become worse. Social media is an effective tool, but it is also a breeding space for comparison and validation by “likes”. You see people in seemingly happy marriages, cute babies, new cars and houses, and you can easily wonder, “What am I doing wrong?” Instead of using social media as it was intended, to keep in touch with family and friends far away, we use it as a tool to measure our lives against our “friends.” Well, the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have seen posts and KNEW that they were not true. Just because you put #blessed does not mean it was a blessing from God. We get in our feelings because of these things. We see the marriage, but have no idea what they have to do to keep that marriage afloat. We see the engagement, but neither of them have sought God to see if they are even supposed to be together. We see the baby, but have no idea how they struggled to get that bundle of joy into the world. We see the new house, but they may be paying three times your mortgage just to keep up with their image! One of my favorite lines from Steven Furtick is “We compare our behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.” You know they always show you the best movie highlights to draw you to the movie. Sometimes the highlights are actually the only good parts! Such is life for some!

We have to do better and understand that God has a path just for us. My way of coping with this is limiting my social media time. I usually do not check my timeline. If I see something, it’s usually by accident! Please forgive me if I have not liked your pictures! It is just a personal boundary I have set for myself. Of course we should be congratulatory of anyone that has good news to share, however, we cannot allow their good news to challenge the happenings in our own lives. We have no idea how much some have prayed, cried, and suffered for that manifestation. I have a petty confession! I need to stop wondering how Ciara got Russell Wilson! I like her, but every time I see a story about them I literally wonder “How Jesus??!!” She has not been praying for a man of that caliber as long as I have, so how did she get hers first??!! Maybe it’s because she has an agility that I just don’t have, I cannot move on that level! I can see why that would be beneficial! See how easy it is to compare? It’s so common, oftentimes when we do it we don’t even categorize it as comparison. We just be wondering!

I was trying to think of a story of comparison I wanted to use, and God literally gave it to me in conversation with a coworker. It is the story of Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar. This story starts in Genesis 11 and goes through chapter 23. It is a very intriguing story, however I’m going to give you just a taste to wet your palette and paint a picture. God promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. However, by this time his wife Sarah was older and was barren. I can imagine her saying “How can that be if we don’t have any babies, it’s been 10 years, come through Jesus!” I’m sure she saw all the other ladies having babies and thought it was over for her, so she had the bright idea to “manufacture” her blessing. She told her husband to sleep with her servant, Hagar. Kinda like a surrogate. As Sarah hoped, Hagar soon became pregnant but then Sarah became angry with Hagar. I can imagine it hit different when she realized that this lady is frolicking around with her husband’s kid. Sarah was so mean that Hagar fled, which could have resulted in Abraham missing out on the life of his son. God convinced her to go back, have her baby, and she obediently named him Ishmael.

God told Abraham that in a year that he would have a son with Sarah, when she was 90 and he was 99. Sarah overheard and laughed! God was like “Why you laughing?” She tried to say she didn’t, but he was like “Sis, I heard you.” He asked her “Is there anything too hard for me?” He was calling her out on her lack of faith! Within that year, Isaac was born just as He promised. Do you see how her comparison led her to jealousy and made her think she could help God to bring her to her promise? She had a promise, but didn’t believe God would do it for her. He definitely did it in his own time! Can any of you relate to Sarah and her feelings of comparison? Have you ever tried to manufacture your own blessings and put God’s name on it? #Blessed!!?? Sometimes we are questioning God concerning our comparison issues and He’s like “I didn’t have anything to do with that!”

Comparison takes away our ability to be grateful and makes us lose sight of the greatness we possess and the wonderful things to come. It truly is the thief of our joy. It is a distraction to take us on a path contrary to where God needs us to be. We lose focus on the assignments we were given because we are focusing on what someone else is doing. Comparison is like telling God that He missed the mark, that is according to our standards. It’s telling Him that we are not so fearfully and wonderfully made. Doesn’t He do all things well?

I pray that we learn to embrace the lovely individuals we are. I pray that we would seek God for what He has for us, learn to celebrate others, and realize that He is no respecter of person. If He did it for them, He can do it for us. I pray that we learn to be content in our respective places until he brings us to our promise. I pray that we will allow Him to lead us to the promise and not try to assist Him, but be a participant in the process. I pray that we grow and allow God to mature us into the people that can not only obtain the promise, but because of the process we endured to receive it, we can maintain it as well. Sometimes your gift can take you places that your character can’t keep you! Let’s keep moving at the pace of God. We don’t want anything that God didn’t send. We also don’t want anything prematurely. Stand on the promises of God concerning YOUR life and follow the path of the Father! Be blessed my loves!

Hello ladies!! I am soooo excited to say that this post makes one year of Broken To Beautiful!! I am so thankful for you all for listening to me, encouraging me, sharing this blog with your friends and family, and taking time out of your day to support this mission. I questioned whether I should start this assignment so many times. I wondered “Who is going to listen to what I have to say?” Thank you for allowing me to speak into your life and to share my life experiences with you all. This post is a compilation of some of the things I have learned along this journey. I found that the things I have learned this past year are also things that we can apply to life. Let’s do it.

I have learned that I am not easily affected by numbers. I can actually see how many people visit this blog at any given day. Some months have been AMAZING, others have not been so great. I have to celebrate the small victories. If I was caught up in numbers, I would have aborted the mission many times. In life, when we know we are fulfilling our God given assignment, we must never give up, even if no one supports, listens, or watches. Our service is to please God. Sorry to break the news to you, but everyone is not assigned to your gift. This blog is not for everyone; it is also not for everyone in this moment. We cannot stop moving in our assignments because we feel that we are not seen. If that happens, those that we have been called to heal with our gift will die in their struggle.

I have learned that I can be consistent. Y’all, your girl has struggled with that for YEARS! At the beginning of last year, God gave me the word commitment. I had to learn to be committed and consistent with the things of God before I can be consistent with anything else. I have always been one to just quit if things were not working the way I wanted them to. Committing to God with this assignment has helped me in many areas of my life to exercise discipline, stop procrastination, and maintain momentum. You guys keep me accountable. Just when I think that I want to go back to person I was, God sends someone that encourages me and gives me fuel to keep my fire burning.

I have learned that I am braver than I thought. I am a pretty private individual. There have been so many transparent moments that have been shared, so many things brought back to my memory just for this purpose, and times that I have had to stand in my truth even when it hurt me or others. The release of each post is like a personal crucifixion. My natural inclination to withdraw has to die and I have to yield to God, which requires another level of faith. I am not a risk taker and fear has kept me hostage for so long, so this was very difficult for me to do. I have to draw from the strength of God, I cannot do this in my own strength and be successful. I have to be brave so that the people following me can be brave. Your process of growth can lead someone else out of their place of bondage. Do it afraid.

I have learned that I have something to say. Even if I don’t, God has something to say through me. God also uses our actions as well as our silence and maturity. We are God’s hands and feet in the earth. There are people waiting on us to use what God has given us to bring them to a place of deliverance and freedom. Even a simple hello can speak volumes and let others know that they are seen! There are times that people would ask me to pray for them or just tell me the private things in their life and I’m like “How do you even know I have a prayer life or if I can be trusted with all this information?” My life shows that I am credible, even if I don’t say a word. If we continue to keep quiet and sit on our hands, we can’t bring healing to this broken world. We can sometimes be so consumed in our feelings, that we don’t leave space to be able to speak to someone else’s hurt. We have to get over ourselves and complete the mission set before us.

I pray that this has brought about a personal revelation for you. I pray that God will continue to bless this journey and that we would continue to grow together and flourish like trees planted by the river. I pray that we would produce good fruit. I pray that we would allow God to finish the work He has started in us as He leads us to go forth and share our growth with others. We come out of agreement with anything that would hinder us from the freedom we need to fulfill the plans and purposes for our lives. I thank God for you. I have been called to do this whether one person reads or if thousands read it, but I am grateful that you join me here every month. I pray that I would continue to be a good steward of you all and that the territory would be enlarged because of my commitment to this assignment. I pray that God continues to allow me to speak to your hearts and minds. As I come to my places of healing and wholeness, I am honored to share the blueprint God has given me to aid in your freedom. Thank you for joining me on the journey! Love you all!

Good day my loves!! We are at the halfway point of the year!! How time flies! Prayerfully you all are growing and glowing!! As always, I have a little story for you all. When I was a little girl, I was a pretty good kid. I didn’t give my mom any trouble that a strong look couldn’t handle. I only had one issue…I talked too much. Every. single. time a report card or interim would come out, I would feel fear because it would always say, “Vontressa is a good student, however, could you talk to her about her excessive talking?” One of my favorite teachers was my fourth-grade teacher. She had a nickname for just about all of us; My nickname was Oprah because I talked a lot! Apparently so much that I needed my own talk show. She still calls me that to this day. I have no idea why I had so much to say during those tender years of my life, however, something changed.

Most people that know me now know that I am not really a talker. I will speak to anyone, but I don’t necessarily have to have a conversation. I am perfectly fine in silence. I’m the girl that calls people and kinda hopes they don’t answer just so I can say “Chile, I called you!” Yeah, pray for me. I thought about that a few months ago and I wondered when I “lost” my voice. One day while listening to my JBL speaker, I realized something. I realized that even though the sound from that small speaker is loud, if I allow the speaker to be covered by something, it’s really hard to hear. In the fourth-grade, I had not really experienced life. I had not been frozen by fear, I didn’t know about rejection, I had not experienced hurt, so my speaker was loud and uncovered.

Later in life, I started to experience rejection, which introduced me to fear, which then welcomed me to a feeling of hurt. Each incident placed another blanket over my speaker, making it harder and harder to hear. Then when I tried to force a sound, out came the sound of defense. It was a little louder, but harsh. I became abrasive and developed a mentality of ” I’m gonna get you before you get me.” My words could crush you like an aluminum can under the weight of a bulldozer, and I didn’t have to use one piece of profanity. My rejection was showing, and I allowed the hurt and bitterness of life to overshadow the sound of that innocence of my youth. When I realized this, I went back in my shell. I had to allow God access to season my words with salt. Only He could coax me from my hideout and teach me how to use my words wisely and allow wisdom to lead. I learned that there is a way to get your point across without adding a side of wrath.

This journey of reflection has allowed me to be able to peel back the layers that were determined to muffle my sound. God has placed people and groups in my life that are forcing me to never retreat to that person who hid her voice. The fact that there were so many factors and circumstances trying to keep me silent lets me know that my voice can be mighty, if it’s used. I have discounted myself and allowed others to discount me as well because of those layers. I have refused to open my mouth when I knew that I had something important to give or share.

I used to sing a lot. I would get a couple of dollars to sing Superwoman by Karyn White when I was a kid at family gatherings, was in chorus through my senior year in high school, and my hairbrush was my microphone at home. Much hasn’t changed today because it goes down in a major way in my car, like a Coachella performance! But, at one point, I stopped singing in front of others. Someone once called my singing “noise.” Then I thought my voice wasn’t good enough because I always heard about how anointed everyone else’s voice was, while I felt mine was just convenient. A few years ago, I was praying and I asked God to restore the anointing in my voice, immediately I heard “Where did it go?” God was letting me know that he never took anything from me; Just because others don’t acknowledge or value your anointing doesn’t mean it’s not present. Our goal should be to reach heaven, you will reach those called to your gift in that process. God’s gifts and callings are without repentance, whether we steward it well or not is up to us.

We have to push against the tactics used by the enemy to silence our voices. I still struggle at times. It has taken me some time to grasp that there is a need for my voice in the earth, even if it just reaches one or two people. This blog required a very uncomfortable amount of openness. I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down to start it, and some topics I do not exactly want to expound upon, but I have something to share that can help someone else. I just have to pray that as I expose myself for God, that He would cover me. After almost two years, I joined the praise and worship team at my church this year. I have wanted to quit about 17 times because it’s uncomfortable, but I have to push against my fears. I can choose to be comfortable and stagnant, or uncomfortable and grow. I can tell you that comfort and growth do not coexist. What is it that has covered your voice? I am sure you don’t have to think too hard about that. Who needs your voice? We must peel back the layers so that we can be loud, clear, and relevant. Not sure about you, but I want to be a woman that speaks with wisdom, efficiency, and value. I don’t want to be someone that says a lot, but has nothing of value to say. I have learned that I don’t have to speak much, I just need to make the moments that I do speak to carry weight.

I pray that we will identify the layers that have held us in obscurity longer than we should be. I pray that we will place those fears, doubts, disappointments, and rejection at the feet of God and ask for help to pursue and overtake. I pray that we obtain wisdom and strength to fight for our freedom. I am thankful for the courage and boldness that will be obtained as we fervently seek wholeness. I am thankful for the sound that comes from women that speak with value, love, joy, and wisdom. Women who change the world around them by using the voice that God has anointed to turn the world upside down. I pray that when we find our voices again, we decide that we not be silenced again! Turn up the volume sis!