Happy September Lovelies! So I have a funny story to tell that came to remembrance a few months ago. When I was a little girl, 5th grade, I must have had my first real experience with God. I had a little pink Bible that had a little snap closure, and I carried it EVERYWHERE!! Even school! I’m sure my classmates remember that Bible as well as my favorite phrase “I’m gonna tell my daddy!” This was my go to phrase when someone hurt me, offended me, or when things didn’t go my way. At that point, my brother had been born recently and I had been the only child, grandchild, and niece for 10 years. I was kinda used to getting my way! I had not met my earthly father, so I was referring to God as my daddy. He could handle my situations, issues, and giants. I loved my daddy, and daddy loved me!

Obviously, I am the product of a single parent home. Let me give you some numbers. There are 13.6 million single parents in the US. Of those, 84% are mothers and 16% are fathers. Parents are the first people to model a healthy sense of love. They shape how we see it in the world. The father’s role is to lead, protect, and provide. The mother’s role is to teach and nurture. So we have millions of people with a tainted view of love and security due to “parent wounds.” Parent wounds are real and can also happen in a two parent home. It’s pretty obvious how this can happen in a single parent home, these are a few examples of how it can happen in a two parent home. You could have a parent that is there, but not there and be inflicted with parent wounds. You can see a dysfunctional display of love from a two parent home because one or both parents haven’t healed from their wounds resulting in parent wounds. You can have a parent that is not supportive, mean, or partial to other siblings and end up with parent wounds. No matter which bucket we fall in, those wounds have to be healed before we can ever experience love in a healthy way, be it giving or receiving. I didn’t think I had any, I mean who could be better than the daddy that I already knew, right?

Shortly after my elementary school evangelist stage, the option was presented to me to meet my earthly dad and I said yes. Maybe I wanted to experience being a daddy’s girl in a tangible way. I met him on my 11th birthday. I had an image of a daddy in God, but this was different.

This decision fed a rejection that was already rooted in the womb. Yes, rejection is a spirit that can enter through words and feelings. Your girl was not exactly a planned pregnancy. The circumstances were not the happiest or ideal, so yes the rejection was already there. This decision also brought disappointment and anger. I took on a feeling of constant disappointment to the point that it was normal. That along with other heart injuries caused me to grow numb. I was nonchalant and pretty much braced myself for rejection and disappointment. I often wondered, why didn’t I just say no? I always said I don’t need that relationship, but to be honest I did. I don’t regret that “yes”. I gained relationship with my siblings and now the sweetest thing for me to hear is “Aunt Tressa”! I set my dad up for failure before even knowing him. I had silent and very unrealistic expectations for him. I’m sure you all can relate to having this image of someone that remains in your brain, and when that person doesn’t measure up, they are to blame. Now, he did not fulfill his role as a father in my life, but he couldn’t give me anything out of his own voids, no one can. It took a looooong time, but I forgive him. As I stated in my first post, I was going to counseling to heal and possibly revive that relationship, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. There were many things that could have been done differently, however, every feeling and event shaped me and forced me back to my first love.

I promised myself that I would read more, and I am proud to say I am still holding true to my word! While I was out of work, one of the books I read was Abba by Dr. Matthew Stevenson. That was when I was reminded about the relationship I had with God as a child. I also realized that at first I measured my earthly father to God and when things went south, I measured God to my earthly father. I literally cried because I realized I had left my position as a daughter of Christ. I was not resting in my position as His beloved, as the apple of His eye. I lost my view of Him. I was praying and worshiping but there was still a disconnect. Words would be spoken over my life by trusted individuals and I’m like “oh ok.” When I tell you I had built walls! Nothing could get in, and nothing could come out. I didn’t even grant God free access to those places. There was still the thought that He was going to disappoint me too. It’s like going to the hospital because you’ve been injured, but you won’t let the doctor touch the area. How was I ever gonna get healing like that?

God brought this to my memory to let me know that I needed to get back to my position as daddy’s little girl. I needed to trust Him like I did before. I needed to understand that I won’t always get my way, but He was always there to protect me. I needed to allow Him to love me and comfort me. My heart was hard, but my daddy promised to give me a new heart and spirit. He promised to turn my heart of stone into one of flesh so I can feel the good and the not so great. In my rightful place, there is healing, joy, peace, protection, identity, and love. Everything I needed. Everything I thought I lacked. It is a daily decision to rest in that place. To have expectation because the earth belongs to my daddy, and it’s his good pleasure to bless me. To actually feel like I’m living my best life. To walk by faith and not by sight. To believe that I WON’T BE DISAPPOINTED!

Because I decide to rest in my position as a daughter, I have more to give and I can effectively receive. I will always be a daddy’s girl and so will you! He promises us that when our mother and father forsake us He will adopt us! Ask God to remind you when you left! Usually after a hurt or trauma we just walk away from our promises looking for something or someone to ease the pain. Find your way back to your position as a daughter of Christ. He never leaves His post as a father, we are the ones that wander!

 

Hello Lovelies! You will find in each post that you will learn more and more about me. I believe that each of us have layers. This was created to be a safe place, a no judgement zone. With that said, I have a confession. This is something I always hold very close to me. Its nothing to really be ashamed of, but I have not always been so comfortable with it. Here goes! My name is Vontressa, I am a 32 year old virgin, and I have never been in a relationship. You all have no idea how liberating that was! Now although this is something that is celebrated, especially among Christians, I have not always felt like I was just out here doing the work of the Lord sis! My thoughts, feelings, and actions were not always pure. I wanted to be boo’ed up like Ella Mai too!

This journey has been filled with depression, low self-esteem, rejection, lust, and fear. My issue was that I felt like I had never been chosen by a man. None of the guys I ever liked had chosen me, and I certainly didn’t feel chosen by God! There were so many questions; Why didn’t any of the guys I like actually like me back? Why did I always hear the word no? What was so wrong with me? I was like God you literally control everything, and you mean to tell me you can’t make this dude like me back! That part of my life was like the New Edition song You’re Not My Kind of Girl on repeat!  I felt like this was a cruel punishment, and I blamed God, after all he did make me. I did not feel like I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I always blamed it on the fact that I was plus sized and apparently wasn’t pretty enough. I couldn’t see anything wrong with my many crushes, so I had to be the issue. Those thoughts, feelings and emotions plagued me for years.

Often times I felt hopeless. I was going to church, trying to do right, praying, but I was empty. I was wounded, hurt, and couldn’t understand why my one prayer couldn’t be answered. Lovelies, life is all about perspective and mine had to make a shift. Looking back, I can see God’s protection in every situation. Protection from harsher rejection, from men who were confused about their own identity, from cycles, from men who couldn’t lead, and even once protection of my life! God protected me from what I thought I wanted.  He also protected those young men from me!  I wasn’t ready (in Kevin Hart’s voice)! I wasn’t tender, I was insecure, and I didn’t truly love myself. He would have been empty pouring into me and I would have damaged him.

I wasn’t sexually promiscuous, but I was an emotional whore. I was easy. All I needed was an idea that I could potentially be chosen and in my mind the engagement, wedding, and baby shower were already planned! The sad thing is, none of those emotions were reciprocated; If they were I didn’t get the memo. I was always left feeling hurt, unloved, and unworthy.  I was thirsty, and nothing can fill a God hole but God. I’m sure many of you have heard about the woman at the well in the Bible. (John 4) I’m sure we all can identify with her. She was thirsty, and none of her “husbands” could give her what her heart thirst for, until she had an encounter with Jesus. My thirst was for companionship, validation, and love. Listen, EVERYBODY GOT A THIRST! Your thirst may not be my thirst, but you got one! Although I still have the desire for a mate, I’m not thirsty for him. I am busy preparing my heart and mind for his arrival, as well as making sure that I have stability in my most important relationship with the Father.

I am learning daily that His plans for me are higher than I can imagine. As they are for you! I have no idea who this man is or when he will manifest. I do know that my identity isn’t tied to being a wife. I do know that there is nothing wrong with me, even if I am still pleasantly plump. I have flaws, but so does he. I do know that I have been prepared with the right amount of pain and joy to be the woman he needs. I am equipped for someone. All of my past crushes were not bad people, they were just not my people. They were assigned to me for a reason, but they were not a destiny assignment. We get that confused at times and hold on for dear life to people that we were supposed to teach or learn from and keep it moving. God has placed this desire in me and he will fulfill.

So, I continue to walk in His strength, power, and wisdom to a place called wholeness. Do I feel like this every day? Nope! However, I am so thankful for a healthier perspective, and a relationship with God where I can be honest about this thing. There He gives me the affirmation needed to quit whining and proceed! I pray that this was helpful to someone. I pray that you will be able to identify your “thirst”, get to the root of the issue, and allow God to fill every broken and void area with His love and security. Be honest with yourself and just lay it at the feet of Jesus.  Just as He promised her, He will give us living water so we will never thirst again.

Hugs and kisses,

Tressa

Hello Lovelies! You will find in each post that you will learn more and more about me. I believe that each of us have layers. This was created to be a safe place, a no judgement zone. With that said, I have a confession. This is something I always hold very close to me. Its nothing to really be ashamed of, but I have not always been so comfortable with it. Here goes! My name is Vontressa, I am a 32 year old virgin, and I have never been in a relationship. You all have no idea how liberating that was! Now although this is something that is celebrated, especially among Christians, I have not always felt like I was just out here doing the work of the Lord sis! My thoughts, feelings, and actions were not always pure. I wanted to be boo’ed up like Ella Mai too!

This journey has been filled with depression, low self-esteem, rejection, lust, and fear. My issue was that I felt like I had never been chosen by a man. None of the guys I ever liked had chosen me, and I certainly didn’t feel chosen by God! There were so many questions; Why didn’t any of the guys I like actually like me back? Why did I always hear the word no? What was so wrong with me? I was like God you literally control everything, and you mean to tell me you can’t make this dude like me back! That part of my life was like the New Edition song You’re Not My Kind of Girl on repeat!  I felt like this was a cruel punishment, and I blamed God, after all he did make me. I did not feel like I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I always blamed it on the fact that I was plus sized and apparently wasn’t pretty enough. I couldn’t see anything wrong with my many crushes, so I had to be the issue. Those thoughts, feelings and emotions plagued me for years.

Often times I felt hopeless. I was going to church, trying to do right, praying, but I was empty. I was wounded, hurt, and couldn’t understand why my one prayer couldn’t be answered. Lovelies, life is all about perspective and mine had to make a shift. Looking back, I can see God’s protection in every situation. Protection from harsher rejection, from men who were confused about their own identity, from cycles, from men who couldn’t lead, and even once protection of my life! God protected me from what I thought I wanted.  He also protected those young men from me!  I wasn’t ready (in Kevin Hart’s voice)! I wasn’t tender, I was insecure, and I didn’t truly love myself. He would have been empty pouring into me and I would have damaged him.

I wasn’t sexually promiscuous, but I was an emotional whore. I was easy. All I needed was an idea that I could potentially be chosen and in my mind the engagement, wedding, and baby shower were already planned! The sad thing is, none of those emotions were reciprocated; If they were I didn’t get the memo. I was always left feeling hurt, unloved, and unworthy.  I was thirsty, and nothing can fill a God hole but God. I’m sure many of you have heard about the woman at the well in the Bible. (John 4) I’m sure we all can identify with her. She was thirsty, and none of her “husbands” could give her what her heart thirst for, until she had an encounter with Jesus. My thirst was for companionship, validation, and love. Listen, EVERYBODY GOT A THIRST! Your thirst may not be my thirst, but you got one! Although I still have the desire for a mate, I’m not thirsty for him. I am busy preparing my heart and mind for his arrival, as well as making sure that I have stability in my most important relationship with the Father.

I am learning daily that His plans for me are higher than I can imagine. As they are for you! I have no idea who this man is or when he will manifest. I do know that my identity isn’t tied to being a wife. I do know that there is nothing wrong with me, even if I am still pleasantly plump. I have flaws, but so does he. I do know that I have been prepared with the right amount of pain and joy to be the woman he needs. I am equipped for someone. All of my past crushes were not bad people, they were just not my people. They were assigned to me for a reason, but they were not a destiny assignment. We get that confused at times and hold on for dear life to people that we were supposed to teach or learn from and keep it moving. God has placed this desire in me and he will fulfill.

So, I continue to walk in His strength, power, and wisdom to a place called wholeness. Do I feel like this every day? Nope! However, I am so thankful for a healthier perspective, and a relationship with God where I can be honest about this thing. There He gives me the affirmation needed to quit whining and proceed! I pray that this was helpful to someone. I pray that you will be able to identify your “thirst”, get to the root of the issue, and allow God to fill every broken and void area with His love and security. Be honest with yourself and just lay it at the feet of Jesus.  Just as He promised her, He will give us living water so we will never thirst again.

Hugs and kisses,

Tressa

 

Hello lovelies! Welcome to Broken to Beautiful! This first post is to allow you all to get to know me as well as understand why you are reading this. This isn’t just something that I thought would be a cute idea. Nothing can pull out your potential like pressure. Let’s talk about what got me to this point. The past few years I have been in constant recovery mode. In 2015, my dad passed away. I was just going to counseling because I felt like I had some patterns that were rooted from daddy issues. A week after my first session he passed away. Recovery. In 2016, my younger brother passed away. One of the most traumatic experiences for me and my mom. I realized I lost the men with the two most important roles in my life in less than a year. Recovery. I started feeling like I had gotten it together; I had transitioned to a new church, I had a new job, I was in the process of adopting a child, I was going to a personal trainer. Sounds like I was heading to a great space, alignment in all areas, right?

July of 2017, I was on the way to work and while in prayer I thanked God for peace that surpassed all understanding. I literally made a “why did I say that”face. I needed that peace as I along with over 5,000 others were laid off. I had peace, but I was back in recovery. I was praying for a way out but I was like “wayment now God, I was supposed to have something else in the line-up though.”  I wondered why, but I knew that this was about more than just loosing a job. This was an opportunity for development. I had been asking God for months to reveal my purpose. Did he have to do it like that though? Maybe. Maybe this was the only way I could hear Him. Maybe this was the only way I could really be disciplined to spend time with Him. Maybe if I wasn’t so “busy” I could be receptive.

That was the most difficult season for me to remain calm, confident, and encouraged. During those seven months I experienced rejection, fear, failure, and disappointment; I also experienced growth, maturity, and countless revelations. I experienced God on another level. I had to maintain a posture of praise, prayer, and seeking God’s face. Some days, I was literally like “Ion got nothing to say.” I had to press. I needed Him. Then He showed me how much He needed me, which is why we are here. I was totally content just being a good church member and doing my daily duties. Once God keeps moving you from one level to another, you go from “God what do you have for me?” to “God what do you need from me?” That takes growth and maturity that can only come from the Father!

There is always purpose in pain. This has pulled me out of my comfort zone on so many levels! It’s not about me, it’s about God getting the glory out of this vessel. Be intentional about your purpose. The greatest level of success is confirming your why and walking in it fully. This isn’t just a way for me to tell you all about my struggles, issues, and shortcomings. Some topics are still tender for me. This journey is for all of us. Sometimes we can wear our façade so long, we loose our true identity and remain deceived. I may not reach everyone that sees this blog, but for the ones God has assigned to me, join me on the journey!

Hugs and Kisses,

Tressa

 

Hello lovelies! Welcome to Broken to Beautiful! This first post is to allow you all to get to know me as well as understand why you are reading this. This isn’t just something that I thought would be a cute idea. Nothing can pull out your potential like pressure. Let’s talk about what got me to this point. The past few years I have been in constant recovery mode. In 2015, my dad passed away. I was just going to counseling because I felt like I had some patterns that were rooted from daddy issues. A week after my first session he passed away. Recovery. In 2016, my younger brother passed away. One of the most traumatic experiences for me and my mom. I realized I lost the men with the two most important roles in my life in less than a year. Recovery. I started feeling like I had gotten it together; I had transitioned to a new church, I had a new job, I was in the process of adopting a child, I was going to a personal trainer. Sounds like I was heading to a great space, alignment in all areas, right?

July of 2017, I was on the way to work and while in prayer I thanked God for peace that surpassed all understanding. I literally made a “why did I say that”face. I needed that peace as I along with over 5,000 others were laid off. I had peace, but I was back in recovery. I was praying for a way out but I was like “wayment now God, I was supposed to have something else in the line-up though.”  I wondered why, but I knew that this was about more than just loosing a job. This was an opportunity for development. I had been asking God for months to reveal my purpose. Did he have to do it like that though? Maybe. Maybe this was the only way I could hear Him. Maybe this was the only way I could really be disciplined to spend time with Him. Maybe if I wasn’t so “busy” I could be receptive.

That was the most difficult season for me to remain calm, confident, and encouraged. During those seven months I experienced rejection, fear, failure, and disappointment; I also experienced growth, maturity, and countless revelations. I experienced God on another level. I had to maintain a posture of praise, prayer, and seeking God’s face. Some days, I was literally like “Ion got nothing to say.” I had to press. I needed Him. Then He showed me how much He needed me, which is why we are here. I was totally content just being a good church member and doing my daily duties. Once God keeps moving you from one level to another, you go from “God what do you have for me?” to “God what do you need from me?” That takes growth and maturity that can only come from the Father!

There is always purpose in pain. This has pulled me out of my comfort zone on so many levels! It’s not about me, it’s about God getting the glory out of this vessel. Be intentional about your purpose. The greatest level of success is confirming your why and walking in it fully. This isn’t just a way for me to tell you all about my struggles, issues, and shortcomings. Some topics are still tender for me. This journey is for all of us. Sometimes we can wear our façade so long, we loose our true identity and remain deceived. I may not reach everyone that sees this blog, but for the ones God has assigned to me, join me on the journey!

Hugs and Kisses,

Tressa