Well hello ladies!! We are rapidly approaching the end of the year and it is officially Hallmark season!! Y’ all, that has to be the best channel ever created! So you know what I have been doing lately, however, I did make some time to talk to you all! This month we are talking about community and friendships. I have come to realize the importance of meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships. I was reminded of an old TLC song “What about your friends.” They were putting us on to questioning our partnerships. Although I have access to many amazing women in different circles, I personally admit that I do not always lean on my friends or make myself available for new relationships. Evaluating relationships is such a needed topic as we can always strengthen both romantic and platonic connections. Let’s talk about it.

So, I have this one friend that I did not intend to have. I have her permission to tell you all how she wiggled her way in. I started a new job and making friends was not exactly on the agenda. I had been laid off for seven months and I was just happy to be employed! Of course I was new and knew no one there, so I ate lunch alone. I would go into this quiet area where there was usually no one around to read. She would always come from downstairs that way and instead of leaving me alone to mind my business, she would literally plop down beside me and just start talking. I was wondering what was up with this little girl. She was just too nice and kind for me to ignore. Eventually we had a real conversation and decided to have dinner one night. She said she told her friends “I don’t know what it is, but she has something I need and I am going to get it.” And here I am just wanting to go to work. We never know who is watching and who needs what we have. I do often have to remind her that I am NOT a super saint and to take that title off of me, but rather we are growing together.

Now, let me give a disclaimer. The older I have gotten, the harder it is for me to allow others in my life, however, I cannot deny we need people. There is this song by Erica Campbell and Jonathan McReynolds called “All I need is you” that I love! Although I low-key have a holy crush on Mr. McReynolds, y ‘all that statement is not completely true. God designed us for relationships. Jesus had friends! Relationships were designed to strengthen us, you know iron sharpens iron. Yes, people make you want to sharpen the iron and just poke them a little, but healthy friendships help us grow. Notice I said HEALTHY. All relationships are not healthy, my loves. Similarly, neither are all communities. Let me give you the definition of community. Community is a group of people having a particular characteristic in common; a feeling of fellowship with others as a result of sharing common attitudes, interest, and goals. Think about your circle, how do they embody the definition of healthy community?

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10(NLT) says “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” This sounds like what a friendship should look like. A friend is someone who recognizes our flaws and issues and loves us in spite of them. We all have some level of dysfunction. When we encounter people, we also encounter their issues, trauma, and baggage. In friendship, we should be able to confess our “stuff” to each other. Doing this allows us to be held accountable–giving us an opportunity to show our scars in hopes that our friends will help to cover, not expose our wounds, until we heal. There has to be a standard of transparency and trust. Friendship should be a safe place.

I have grown to ask myself “Will this relationship add value to my life or to the life of the other person?” Although my friend stated that she needed something from me, I have also learned many things from her. Our relationship is mutually beneficial. She also enjoys watching Hallmark with me! 😊 One key thing that came to me while writing was how people connect. We must pay attention to what connects us in relationships. Sometimes we can be connected by unhealthy bonds. Pain is a connection. Rejection is a connection. Trauma is a connection. Nothing brings people together like those three, however, is the connection to emerge out of it or to stay there? We all grow in different phases. If that relationship was established on pain, rejection, and trauma, when healing comes to someone, that bond will eventually break due to strain. Let’s make sure that we are lifting each other up, so if we connected in unhealthy circumstances, we can both get to a place of healing.

We must make an effort to spend time with our friends. I am a firm believer that we all make time for what we want. Never establish a friendship without spending adequate time with that person, even outside of what connects you. That means if your connection is church, work, or another organization, go beyond those settings. Sometimes we can take on the persona of that setting and you may end up with someone completely different. By doing this, you will find out who they truly are at their core. Don’t walk around in disbelief when your best friend is not who you think they are because you only connect in that one setting. Know what you are signing up for ladies!

Love on your friends ladies! Sometime between me starting and finishing this post, I actually lost a friend. A GOOD friend. She passed away suddenly in October and I could not believe it. Over the past few years, we communicated but only saw each other a few times. I wish I would have made more time, I wish I could have known exactly what was happening so that I could have been there in some way. So, I had to deal with some regret on top of the grief of her departing. I have so many wonderful memories, and we spent so much time together during a season of our lives. So, I have learned a lesson. When you have good, solid connections, keep the lines of communication flowing. Sometimes I think people are busy living their lives, but it only takes a minute to say hi or I have been thinking of you. Make the time now so you don’t have to wish that you could later.

Hopefully this was helpful to someone as we navigate through life. I pray that God allows us access to healthy, mutually beneficial partnerships. I pray that we become the friends we are seeking. I pray that we use discernment to know who sent them and why. I pray that we don’t hold on to friendships longer than needed. That we allow them to serve their purposes and if we need to release, that we do so graciously. I pray that the relationships built to last are cherished and protected. That scars can be revealed, nurtured, and healed in your safe places. I pray that the things you feel that you cannot share, that you allow our BEST friend to come in and provide healing that only He can provide. Amen. Amen. and Amen again my loves!! Have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! I am grateful for you all!